Organization Nonsense
by Esperance
Summary: A collection of loosely-related stories featuring various members of the Organization, mainly interactions between numbers VIII and XIII and their current "victim" of cruelly unusual intentions. Mild Larxel and Roxiné. Discontinued.
1. Picture Not So Perfect

Hi guys! This is me, parkingLOTinTHEidiot, a.k.a. Hope, with my first story and series--Organization Nonsense. Even though I love writing and Kingdom Hearts and all that, getting this all ready for you to see is kind of new to me. So bear with me, and I promise that this will be a lot easier on the eyes the more practice I get in.

* * *

PART 1- PICTURE NOT-SO-PERFECT

It wasn't a good morning.

Then again, Larxene hazily reasoned, there was no such thing as a 'good morning'. It was as much of a myth as the tooth fairy.

She found herself slipping from her dreams thanks to bursts of hysterical laughter coming ever closer to her bedroom door. They ended just outside, the owners of them being--she was nearly positive--two knuckle-headed idiots whose sole mission in their Nobody life was to make hers a living…well, you know.

As if sensing her violent train of thought, for a moment all was eerily quiet...Too quiet. Like a soft, soothing blanket, covering her frustrated yet exhausted body. Too deliciously and relaxingly quiet that it was foolish to not to take advantage of it…she looked past the "danger", whatever it was, to slip back into sleep. Ahhh, sleep. She had missed it so (thanks to the aforementioned two)…

"Larxy, baby!"

Her eyes snapped open. Larxy?! BABY?! How. Dare. They.

She threw off the covers and prepared to lunge, a snarl rising from her throat. "I'm gonna-"

A bright flash cut off her threat. Stunned and blinded, she growled and covered her face with her pillow. Her eyes burrrrrned. More painful than staring at the sun. More scalding than getting soap in the eye. Yes, it was even a more-painful-than-watching-Hannah-Montana-dance kind of burn. Darkness, as said so often by Zexion and countless other emos around the world, was her friend...

Oblivious to her grinding teeth, clinched fists, and smothering pillow, the two perpetrators examined their torture device. "Wow, Roxas, how bright is the flash on that camera?"

"I dunno..." came the mystified reply.

"Try it on me."

Another flash, then a thump as someone hit the floor. Larxene rolled her aching eyes at the stupidity and utter unfairness of this whole situation. But, then again, this wasn't the first--and not even close to being the last--time she'd been through some sort of physical or mental torment because of the two of them.

"Oh man, Axel! Sorry!"

Another flash.

Wait--Larxene stopped her writhing. Did he just take a picture of himself?

"Wow, that is sooome camera..."

Yeah. He did.

"The pictures are gonna be awesome!"

She could hear the two staggering for the door. NO WAY were they were getting away with this. The Savage Nymph growled, then threw herself headlong to where she thought they would be--

To collide with the far wall. She fell back onto the carpet below, her forehead pounding from the impact.

"You no-good sons of-" she began to curse weakly, summoning her kunai knives.

Elsewhere in the room, the two idiots were unaware that the young woman was in excruciating pain.

"Hey, where's Larxy?"

"You actually think I can see?"

As if to confirm this, the Nobody heard Roxas crash into her dresser. Axel laughed at the sound, then tripped over an inconveniently-placed chair and fell on top of her.

It took him a moment to realize he was sitting on something human. Well, sort of...

"What's up, Larxy?" he asked, oh-so-casually.

"Axel, I see pain in your future..."

"Really?" he seemed delighted, " 'Cuz I can't see anything at all."

Roxas' chuckles from the other side of the room made her steam.

"GET OUT BEFORE I KILL YOU TWO!"

Axel, for once in the time they had known each other, listened. Unfortunately, he hit the wall in his haste for the door. Roxas continued to laugh at the sound, it growing more and more hysterical as the chaos increased. Larxene couldn't decide what she wanted to do more: strangle them or bang her head against the floor.

Demyx solved this problem.

"Hey guys," he called cheerfully as he waltzed in. "What's going on in here?"

"I have a new camera with a killer flash!" Roxas piped up.

He seemed ecstatic about the new and potentially life-threatening gadget. But, then again, number IX had always been a strange one.

"Cool! Can I take a picture?"

Axel broke in, still sprawled out on the floor. "Take another picture of Larxy!"

"Won't she be mad?" It was a fair enough question.

"Isn't she always?" And an equally fair answer.

Demyx giggled at the brutal honestly and pure diabolicalness of his next action. "Say cheese, Larxy!"

LARXY?! The name still made her seethe.

"Demyx, if you take another picture of me I swear I'll-"

Click.

Flash.

A new degree of blindness. It was that simple. She screamed and dove again-

To get a mouthful of carpet. The woman gagged and spit it out, vowing to brush her teeth vigorously for the next thirty minutes once her sight was restored.

"Wow. That's some kind of flash," the Melodious Nocturne marveled.

She heard the three heading for the door, no doubt itching to print the photos and distribute them with the better half of the Nobody world. They were dead. So very dead. So very very-

"Yeah, with Larxy you get a whole new kind of Kodak moment."

I reiterate, for the benefit of number XII: it wasn't a good morning.

* * *

Seated at a small table in the Organization's kitchen, Xaldin stirred his fourth cup of black coffee and stared off, hating himself for--among other reasons--being up so early. In no ways a morning person, it was all he could do to be up and truly awake at seven in the a.m. Still, it was nice to enjoy the rare stillness in the Organization's castle, too often filled with the chaos and aftermath of number VIII and XIII's half-baked schemes.

He remembered the good old days (a.k.a. six months ago), when he could freely roam the halls and practice his technique without the fear of being the target of some bizarre prank or just putting up with the duo's annoying hyperactivity. Axel had been bad enough when he had joined, but the arrival of the youngest member had truly marked the group's downward spiral into insanity. Becoming best buddies faster than believed possible, they had immediately taken up the task of doing whatever they could to instigate mayhem and create disorder among the Organization, once a perfectly--as their title said--organized institution. They had taken the role of villain from being respectable and malicious and made it…fun, for lack of a word.

It was impossible for him to decide whether he truly hated them, or merely tolerated them for their immaturity. The rest of the group's opinions differed and changed from season to season as well. Whereas Demyx adored them and Xemnas believed they would come around, Vexen hated them wholeheartedly and Larxene had taken it upon herself to murder them when the time was right.

...Speak of the devils. They walked in cheerfully at that moment precisely, Roxas heading to get a bowl of sugary cereal to keep his system hyper until lunch. The Whirlwind Lancer decided to be sociable, against his better judgment.

"Greetings, Axel. Demyx. Roxas," he said dully. Honestly, you really couldn't ask more of him at such an early time. Or ever really, for that matter.

"Greetings, Xaldin," Axel said, matching his dreary tone. He perked up for his next sentence, his eyes literally on fire with excitement. "Look at our pictures!"

Roxas set them down in front of him with as much of a flourish as he could muster, munching away contentedly on some combination of marshmallows and colored sugar clumps. "They are the one pictures...to rule them all!" he said, the words barely recognizable through a mouthful of the stuff.

Xaldin looked at the four photos warily. A good blackmail proofs of a bed-headed Larxene, another of her in apparent pain and vehement rage, one of Axel posing suggestively, and a confused Roxas.

"So whaddya think?" the pyro asked.

"The ones of Larxene are the best," he conceded. He wanted to see the Flurry of Flames naked as much as he wanted a hole in the head, courtesy of a clumsy Xigbar.

"Enough so people will pay to see them?" number XIII couldn't keep the hope out of his high voice.

Xaldin cast him a look. As if he would know or--much less--care.

"OK, OK, we'll just post them somewhere..." Slightly disappointed, the youngest finished his cereal and his friend crammed a piece of toast in his mouth on their way out.

Relieved, the older man downed his drink in one gulp. That hadn't been too bad. He pitied Larxene, really, but was glad that their shenanigans were aimed at him, for once. She could suffer with the rest of them. Yep, it looked like he was Scott-free for the day, so he best put that to good use. Practice would be good, or he could train his lackeys…

He was about to leave the kitchen when the Savage Nymph charged in, her eyes--and face--a red brighter than he thought possible.

"Where. Are. They?" she demanded, her voice as sharp as one of her favored weapons.

Hey, he wasn't about to cross her. When Larxene was hot on the trail, it was best to tell her what she wanted and back away. As quickly as possible. Her wrath was to be feared--at times, it was worse than Saix's.

"Said something about posting some photos-"

"WHAT?!" Now her face was sporting a rather lovely shade of dark purple. He jerked back before she could strangle him, her utter rage going past all common sense. With a shrill scream, she disappeared from the room in a swirl of black, the heat of her anger still left behind.

Honestly. It was too early for this. Xaldin washed out his cup and, deciding that his prior plans weren't the best idea, went for some sleeping tablets.

Somewhere across the castle, below the ground, and in the darkest corner of his small chamber, Zexion heard a scream."GIVE ME THOSE PICTURES!"

Instead of portalling, Axel and Roxas chose to simply run through the halls. Though this made the pursuit easier, the young woman just wasn't fast enough. Come on, an older guy and a kid high on sugar...?

"C'mon, Larxy, gotta catch us!"

"If you call me Larxy one more time I'll-"

The two sped around a corner, Larxene following-

To hit the Superior. Though she was propelled backward and fell on her butt, Xemnas stood his ground, gave a grunt, then glared.

The Nobody gasped, her apology quickly spilling from her lips. "Forgive me, Xemnas, I was following-"

Roxas and Axel turned the corner again, this time walking from the opposite side. She noted, with silent annoyance, that they looked as if they hadn't a care in the world, innocently taking a stroll before their day really began. They caught sight of the two, courteously giving their higher up a greeting. The Savage Nymph thought she detected a smirk coming from the pyro.

"Good day, Superior."

"Axel. Roxas."

"Hi, Larxene," number VIII waved.

"I was chasing them!" she exclaimed, looking back up at the impassive older man.

Axel looked perplexed. "Huh?"

"We haven't seen you all morning, Larxene," Roxas spoke up.

"Yes you have! You two...Xemnas, do you honestly believe them?!"

The Superior was glaring with an increased ferocity. She risked a look at her two enemies. Blast them. Why did they have the ability to look so good?

She did the only thing she could do in a situation such as this:

Grovel.

"My apologies, Axel, Roxas. I have no clue what I was thinking. And to you, Superior, I promise this will never ever happen again," etcetera, etcetera. Anything to get him off her back and mortify her further in the presence of her enemies.

The eye-daggers eased off eventually, then softened into a deep frown. "See that it doesn't happen again."

He rounded the corner and disappeared from sight. Larxene gave him a good minute, then she dove at the two behind her.

"THE PICTURES!" she screamed with renewed energy.

Axel, the cheater, portalled with the goods as a knee-jerk reaction. The girl mourned this loss, but was content when she caught the next best thing:

"Roxas, Roxas, Roxas," she grinned, imagining her teeth turning into fangs.

"AXEL! AAAAGH!"

Larxene smirked and dragged the struggling hostage to her room, his screams echoing long and far into the castle.

Now they were playing by her rules.

* * *

Demyx knocked softly on XII's door and grinned guiltily into her scowling face when she yanked it open, angry that it wasn't Axel.

"Hey Larxy-"

"WHAT?!"

"-ene. Larxene. Heh he," he scratched the back of his neck nervously.

"What do you want?" she growled, already certain of his intent.

"Well, it's not so much what I want-"

Larxene crossed her arms, her suspicions confirmed. She ticked off her requirements on her fingers. "If Axel wants Roxas, tell him to come here. With the pictures. There will be heavy negotiations."

And with that, she slammed the door.

Demyx sighed and turned. What was it about him that screamed "make me a messenger"?

Precisely fifteen minutes later, Axel busted into the Savage Nymph's room, feeling no knock or call was really necessary. She sat on her bed, clamly filing her nails.

"Better late than never," she remarked, ice in her voice.

"It's called 'fashionably late'," he stressed his excuse with air quotes. "Got it memorized?"

Larxene simply rolled her eyes.

"Where's Roxas?"

"Where's the pictures?" she countered.

"Aww c'mon, Larxy-"

"Larxy?!" she stood up sharply and went to face him.

"OK, OK," Axel held up his hands in surrender. "Give me Roxas and I'll give you one picture."

"All of them."

"How about two?"

Number XII glared hotly at his stubbornness, "Maybe you'll change your mind if you see your buddy."She flicked a switch behind her and one of the walls of the room began to rotate 180 degrees. On the other side a hypnotized number XIII watched a huge TV screen, duct taped to his chair. Number VIII looked confused.

Sugary pop music poured from a speaker on top of the TV, and brightly clad people danced around the screen. At the bottom lyrics kept in time to the song playing in the scene. Lyrics that Roxas silently mouthed. Finally realizing the situation, the Flurry of Dancing Flames realized suddenly what movie his best friend was being tortured under and how serious the circumstances had just become

."'FABULOUS?!' You're making him watch High School Musical 2?! What kind of sicko are you?!" he shrieked.

The Savage Nymph simply smirked as Axel tried to help his friend snap out of it. Quick hand movements in front of his eyes were in vain. Screaming his name didn't work. Finally he began to bang on the TV screen.

"How do I turn this thing off?!"

Larxene chuckled. "The pictures, if you please."

She extended a hand, and the young man realized that he was truly in a pickle. Save Roxas...or keep the blackmail pictures? Roxas? Blackmail pictures? Roxas? Blackmail pictures? Roxas?...

Number XII took a remote from the folds in her sleeve and skipped the movie ahead a few scenes. Unable to get up, a hypnotized Roxas did as much of the song's choreography as he could with his arms and upper body.

"Alright, here!" Axel practically threw the photos at Larxene. "Turn it off! Turn it off!"

The very epitome of cook, the girl held up an objecting finger. "Not so fast."

"WHAT?!"

"I want the camera."

"No way. No freakin'-" Larxene turned up the volume. Roxas was now singing, rather badly, to 'I Don't Dance'.

"You can have the camera," number VIII pulled it out of his pocket and threw it to her. She caught it and smiled with satisfaction. "Satisfied now?" he asked, impatient.

"Yeah, yeah," Larxene pressed a button on her remote and the TV clicked off. Roxas immediately came to.

"Wha- Where am I?"

After the process of explaining what the Key of Destiny had missed and untaping him, the two took off. Larxene chuckled. Justice was served

…Or was it?

The boys lay, bored, in the younger's room. One paced as another tried to shake an annoying, somehow catchy song from his head. How he'd learned it, he had no idea. ...Pink prada tote?...

"We'll just have to find another way to get Larxy," the older decided.

"But how? The picture idea failed-"

"Well, almost. It was a close call, I give you that."

"Huh? But she's got them now-"

The pyro shook his head in mock shame. An evil smile played at the corners of his mouth.

"It's called a copier."

Roxas grinned. "Awesome!"

"Yeah. Now, next time we might have to shoot a film of her to Youtube..."

DUM DUM DUM

FIN...?

* * *

Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts, Organization XIII, any of the characters, or the plot. However, I do own two Queen CDs, which graciously helped the creative juices flow. Thank you, Freddie Mercury.

This is from an old file on my deviantART account. Check it out--and the next O.N. chapters--on my name, jackedUPonDRpepper. Oh yeah--and please review!

Soli Deo Gloria )


	2. Totally Youtubeular

Disclaimer: I own nothing. And I apologize for any brain loss you might sustain from reading the following story. But please leave a review while you're at it.

* * *

PART 2- TOTALLY YOUTUBE-ULAR

Hours--no, days--of tremendous effort had left Vexen impatient and exhausted. So much calculating. Too much pouring. Numerous do-over's. Though he had dedicated his life to science, there was a point where it grew tedious. And this had crossed that point oh…twenty-something hours ago.

But it was finally about to pay off. He held in his hand perhaps, dare he say it, his life's work. Well, if you could call this life, anyway…he almost chuckled at his dry joke, then shook his head. These experiments were beginning to get to him.

Anyways, all he had to do was combine the contents in this beaker with the liquid in another one to reach completion. Should he be successful, the material produced would be proudly presented to the Superior, maybe momentarily stealing the limelight from that cocky Saix...

Er--what was getting to him? Perhaps it was the fumes...He shook his paranoia off and raised the beaker for pouring.

Utter concentration.

Deep breath.

No going back now. No mistakes. He could do this. He could do this…

He tipped it slowly, the contents rushing to the edge-

"SAY HELLO, VEXY!"

Vexen whirled about in surprise, the liquid sloshing out and all over the floor. He looked down stupidly in shock, it quickly growing into rage. Whoever had startled him was in for the worst kind of pain--

He snapped his head up to see Roxas and Axel, the latter equipped with a camera pointed in the Chilly Academic's direction.

"Wave to the camera!"

Number IV's face turned crimson. "What the devil do you think you're doing?"

"Filming you, duh," came the flippant reply.

"We're going to put the Organization on Youtube!" Roxas chimed in cheerfully.

Vexen had no idea what a Youtube was. He could care less. He only knew that he loathed it to his very core for being the key variable in destroying his experiment.

"Go. Away," he growled through clenched teeth. If they didn't follow his orders, so help him, things were going to turn very VERY ugly in mere milliseconds.

Axel waited to see if he'd do anything else film-worthy. Disappointed, he finally put the camera down and headed for the door. Roxas followed, bright as ever.

"Bye, Vexy!" he waved, "Hope we didn't interrupt anything important!"Number XIII looked back over the morning's footage as he and VIII stalked the halls. Superior lecturing at the morning meeting. Xigbar's target practice. Zexion rocking back and forth, mumbling about death and destruction and Fall Out Boy. Vexen flubbing his project and glowering.

"Man, Axel," he sighed and shook his head, "this is kind of lame."

"Eh, we'll find something," the unfazed pyro said with a shrug.

"Who should we try next, then?"

Axel considered the question for a moment. "How about Marly?"

Larxene sat in her favorite haunt--the Organization's library--reading her Marquis de Sade book. Today had been boring. Quiet. Perhaps too quiet...

The blonde gazed around shiftily. Where exactly where Axel and Roxas?

She finally shrugged and went back to her reading. The picture even of last week was still too fresh on her mind, so, naturally, she was still having a severe case of paranoia. Of course, according to the duo's unofficial schedule, she wouldn't be due for another helping of them for something along the lines of a week and a half. Thank goodness.

The Savage Nymph was well into the next chapter when Vexen busted in, livid.

"Those two..." he muttered, heading straight for the non-fiction section of the library. The woman didn't even bother to ask who he was referring to.

"What did they do this time?" she asked casually, flipping a page.

"Totally ruined my life's work for a tube!"

Larxene blinked. Tube? She wrinkled her eyebrows. "What?"

"They were filming me for some tube...You..tube?"

Ah. Not quite as technologically-challenged as her higher-up peer, she'd heard of Youtube. Vexen continued to rant. "And I'd been working for days! I was working with amounts of-"

He didn't even notice as she slipped out, determined to figure out where they were going next.

It should come as no surprise that the two camera men got side-tracked.

"Hey, wait," Roxas paused as they passed by Saix's door. "What about him?"

Axel looked at the entrance way. "Hmmm...If we could catch him going on about the moon, it might be worth it..."

So, blatantly ignoring the possibility that the Luna Diviner could lapse into a terrible rage and then whack 'em to death, they snuck in. Immediately, the pyro began rolling and whispered to his buddy.

"This is gold!"

* * *

In the gloom and utter despair of the castle's basement, in the miserable hole that was his room, Zexion heard a very inhuman roar."GIVE ME THAT VIDEO CAMERA!"

"RUN, AXEL!"

VIII and XIII tore out of the Luna Diviner's room and down the hall. Inches behind, Saix waved his claymore. For a moment the Flurry of Dancing Flames fancied he had wheels instead of feet.

The were around the corner and down the corridor when Axel realized someone stood in their path.

LARXENE! OUTTA THE WAY"

The woman froze.If we were to get into Larxene's head and look past the gruesome, sadistic notions she entertained, then the following scene would be played out like this:

_'Well, so far, so good. Everything just looks white. White. White walls, white floors, white doors, white stairs...white. Not a bad color, really. It's surprisingly quiet. Maybe Vexen was wrong. Maybe the boys are in their room..._

_A yell. Right. Behind. Me._

_Axel and Roxas running. Running? From what?_

_Why is Axel screaming my name? 'Out of the way?' He has no right to be so rude-_

_Hack._

_Hackety hack hack._

_Saix running headlong, right behind the two, swinging his little weapon._

_Hmm...it appears my feet have decided to stop working... Ah, here comes Axel.'_

Axel grabbed the Savage Nymph, hoisting her over his shoulder in an attempt to keep them from slowing to a halt.

"Nice of you to join us," he told her, somehow managing to be a smart-wad in the face of danger. Larxene bristled.

"What have you done?! We could be-we still MIGHT be-killed!"

"Later, Larxy," he cried, saving up his breath as he zoomed down the hall.

Axel's mind is not quite as sickening to look at. Censoring it just a bit--you would utter some choice words in this situation, would you not?--you'd get this:

_'I'm dead. Saix is going to kill us. It's not going to be pretty. And if he doesn't get us, I'm gong to kill Roxas. It's all his fault. He was the one who wanted to go film in the weirdo's room._

_Wow. Larxy's kind of light...Upside!_

He shook his head and kept going.Saix's normally advanced thought processes were slightly less complex:

_'Killtheintruderskilltheintrudersmakethempaymakethempaykilltheintruderskillthe_-'

Farther up the hall, Roxas was mighty grateful of the four bowls of Lucky Charms and three bowls of Cocoa Puffs he'd had for breakfast. He had so much sugar to burn he could probably go like this all day.

His thought train was going down these tracks:

_'Oh boy I love to run. I wander how fast Saix can run. His hair's kind of weird...it's blue, like that one unicorn in the Candy Mountain video. That was a hoot and a holler. Chaarrrlieeee. Maybe I should start calling Axel Charlie. That would be funny. Demyx would probably like that. Hey, where is Demyx? I haven't seen him all day. Oh, cool, there's a mirror on that wall over there. Never seen it before. I'm gonna go check it out. Guess I can stop running. Why was I, anyway?'_

The blonde, oblivious to his possible death, walked up to the seemingly ordinary mirror. His reflection, with more sense than him, spoke:

"Run, Roxas, Run!"

Reasoning that you should always obey your reflection, the boy once again raced down the hall. Axel threw Larxene a glance of confusion, but decided that when you're half a person, being chased by a half-beast controlled by the moon, in a non-existent world, anything's possible.

"This is the strangest hour of my life, bar none," Larxene shouted over the Luna Diviner's frequent howls.

"This? Ah, this is nothing. You want to talk about strange, put a hyped-up on Mountain Dew Roxas in a room with shaving cream, a raccoon, 'couple of pineapples, and a blaring Hilary Duff CD."

Larxene didn't ask him to elaborate.

The strange party of four made their way down another hall, Saix showing no signs of stopping. The Savage Nymph could tell that VIII was tiring. There was no way she was going to die because of his carelessness.

"You're gonna have to portal!"

"We can't leave Roxas!"

The young boy seemed to be a mile ahead. "I think he'll be OK," she reassured."But-"

"PORTAL, YOU IDIOT!"

Axel halfway shrugged and did as requested.

Ending up on the other side of the castle, the pyro put the woman down and laughed with relief.

"Too bad we didn't get THAT on film!"

Number XII twitched, then kicked him sharply in the shin.

* * *

Xemnas was rather pleased at how there'd been no interruptions over the course of the day. As far as he knew, everyone was content and in the midst of rigorous training.

I pity the fool.

So he was rather surprised and--much more--annoyed when Vexen busted in and began screaming about Roxas and Axel disturbing him for some tube. He let him rave for a good ten minutes before speaking.

"What do you propose I do?"

"Kill them!" Unsurprisingly, that wasn't the first time he'd heard that about the two.

"That's quite impossible."

For a moment, the Chilly Academic was at a loss. "Well, perhaps I can administer my own sort of punishment for them?"

Anything to get him out of his hair. He fought the urge to roll his eyes. "As long as you don't cause them any severe pain..."

Vexen looked glum, then rubbed his hands together deviously and rushed out.

In less than a minute, he was replaced by Saix. From the wild look in his eyes, the Superior could tell he was coming down from one of his infamous fits.

"Axel and Roxas snuck into my room."

"And-?"

"Saw...something."

"Which was?"

"Nothing."

Xemnas looked at the Luna Diviner sternly. "Going into someone else's room is not worthy of punishment. If you won't tell me, nothing will happen to them." For this deed, anyway.

For a long moment Saix internally fought it out with his pride. He finally gave up and stormed out.

Xemnas told himself that the meeting had never happened.

Catching up with Axel and Larxene, Roxas found the latter looking at the footage in the camera. Axel looked up.

"Where's Saix?"

"Eh, he's off to go taddle."

"Oh well."

"Wait," Larxene put the camera down, "you don't care?"

"Not with footage like that."

"Best Youtube video ever."

Larxene cocked an eyebrow and pressed the play button, angling the apparatus so the two could watch. "Hate to be the bearer of bad news, but I don't see anything."

She was right. You could hear noises, but they really didn't make any sense. VIII and XIII's faces fell. Roxas sighed.

"Dang it, Axel, you didn't take the lens cap off!"

Axel ran his fingers through is impossibly spiky hair and groaned.

"What was he doing anyway?" the Savage Nymph asked.

The two boys looked at her emotionlessly.

"You wouldn't believe us if we told you."

And they left it at that.

* * *

Still determined, the two cameramen crept into Marluxia's room, Larxene close behind. For some reason, she was getting curious. The trio darted behind the bed and watched some truly strange events unfold.

The strangely absent Demyx was now seated, bound into a chair. His hair was a mess of pigtails and one eye was covered in sparkly purple eyes hadow. He would've surely been screaming had there not been a gag in his mouth.

Marly was in the middle of a rather slip-shod makeup application, a weird smile on his face and humming under his breath. Grabbing the camera from Axel, Larxene began rolling.

"What has gotten into him?" Axel whispered.

Larxene didn't bother to answer, moving to a place behind a chair to get closer to the action. She was messing with the size adjustment when the Luna Diviner busted in.

Immediately catching sight of the two black-clad butts sticking halfway-out of the bed, Saix grabbed one foot of each guy. The Savage Nymph turned the camera on the two as they yelped in surprise.

"Hey, Marluxia, I think they want to play too." VII grinned wider as the boys protested.

The Graceful Assassin glance at Demyx, the other two, then Demyx again. He finally cracked a smile and untied number IX. The poor guy ran down the hall, rubbing at his face furiously.

Despite desperately struggling, Axel and Roxas were dragged to two different chairs and tied up and gagged. The Luna Diviner was even kind enough to assist number XI as they began the task.

Larxene couldn't keep the camera from shaking. The boys were going to get a great Youtube video, alright. She smothered another giggle. This was the most fun she'd had in a very long time.

The Melodious Nocturne busted into Xemnas' room, out of breath. His face was a colorful, runny mess.

"Axel and Roxas-"

Xemnas held up a hand. "Don't wanna hear it."

"You don't understand!" he cried desperately.

"I believe I do."

"But they-"

"OUT!" Xemnas pointed to the exit. Demyx truly had a problem on his hands. Save his friends and possibly get fried? Or walk away like a coward like he usually did?

Right then.

He backed out and headed for the nearest mirror. This makeup was a nightmare to get off.

FIN--FOR NOW


	3. Cruel & Unusual Punishment

Thanks all you guys who've left such great reviews! I'm glad my randomness and love for Axel and Roxas is appreciated. Well, here's the next part, so enjoy!

Disclaimer: I do not own the Organization, Kingdom Hearts, Fall Out Boy, or any of the rigths to the songs that Demyx sings.

* * *

PART 3--Cruel and Unusual Punishment, Proudly Brought to You by Vexen

"My bologna has a first name, it's O-S-C-A-R! My bologna has a second-"

"Demyx, do shut up," Luxford growled as he laid a card down on the table before him. Xigbar, directly opposite, muttered something in agreement as he took his turn in their card game. The Melodious Nocturne pouted and strummed quietly in the corner.

"You guys are no fun," he said finally, breaking the silence.

"Thank you," they responded in unison.

Undaunted, number IX continued. "Roxas and Axel always have fun. Why can't you two be more like them?"

The Gambler of Fate pretended to ponder this. "Hmmm…a sugar-addicted teen with ADD, or a twenty-something weasel with gravity-defying hair…"

Xigbar rolled his eyes. "Demyx, there are different kinds of 'fun'. There's the safe kind, which we prefer to take part in, and then there's the 'fun' which involves a lot of running, throwing caution to the wind, and facing the consequences."

"Consequences? Since when-"

Numbers VIII and XIII chose to portal in at that very moment, arriving out of breath and sporting several icicles.

"Vexen. Tried. To-" Roxas panted, then shook his head. "It's too gruesome!"

Bored, the number XI took his turn. His playmate growled in defeat.

"Hello?" Axel called once he had managed to catch his breath. "Don't you two care?"

"Nope."

"Not really."

"We need your help! Vexen's after us because of what happened last week," Number XIII exclaimed, referring to his and the pyro's quest for the awesome Organization XIII Youtube video ever (and though that failed, the one Larxene shot had almost a million hits already).

"Fascinating," Luxford replied, shuffling cards. "Play again?" he asked his companion.

"I think not. Why don't you-"

"He's playing solitaire!" the mullet-haired crooner made an attempt to revive the Clay Aiken remake.

"DEMYX!"

* * *

Ten minutes later, the two run-aways were too busy emptying cupboards to notice a certain Savage Nymph behind them.

"Whatcha doin'?"

Roxas eeped and dropped a box of Crunchy Nuggets. Axel ignored her for the moment, stuffing some assorted snack cakes and cans of Dr. Pepper in a backpack.

"Let me guess: you're finally leaving the Organization?" She couldn't keep the hopefulness out of her voice.

"No, we're going into hiding. Vexen's after us, and we need somewhere safe to crash."

Larxene began to chow down on a cupcake. "Like where?"

"Axel was thinking your room!" Roxas piped up.

Chunks of the sweet treat flew out of number XII's mouth in surprise. Annoyed, she wiped her frosting-covered mouth with her sleeve.

"Well, Axel better think again."

"Oh, c'mon, Larxy!"

The blonde's eyes began to twitch. LARXY?! VIII laughed nervously and threw the bag containing the food over his shoulder.

"Look at the time…see ya later, Larxene!"

To put it into old English terms, they hauld-eth tail-eth.

* * *

Vexen rushed into the Superior's room, making sure to look as reverent and peaceful as possible. When Xemnas rolled his eyes, he took that as a sign to begin.

"Roxas and Axel are missing!"

"And you're worried? How touching."

"No…they refuse to be punished."

Number I fought the overwhelming urge to ask the Chilly Academic to use some bloody common sense for once. Of course they didn't want to be punished. No one ever wanted to own up to the consequences. They weren't stupid…on that subject, at least.

"Well what do you want me to do?" he asked, shifting in his chair.

"Kill them!"

Xemnas sighed. "We've been through this before…"

"Then at least order a castle-wide search. Have them looked for until they're found and bring them to me."

The Superior half expected him to finish with diabolical laughter. Truthfully, he didn't care one way or another, but if doing this would shut Number IV up…

"Fine."

* * *

Well away from the kitchen, Roxas and Axel dragged several bags behind them as they journeyed to their new 'home away from home'. The younger of the two had no idea where that was, but he could tell his friend had an idea from that wicked gleam in his eye.

"Sooo…why'd you want to stay with Larxene?" he asked innocently.

The pyro faltered. "Uh, it's closer to the kitchen?"

Good enough for him. Naïve and every bit a young, hormone-free little kid, Roxas' mind moved on to other things, like how he was getting kind of hungry. Some chocolate pudding would be good. Studies showed that daily chocolate pudding consumption led to a 5 increase in yummy…

"Well, we're here," Axel declared, dropping his luggage in front of the door.

"Where are we?"

"You'll see," the Flurry of Dancing Flames said, reaching for the knob. "Let's go talk to our new roomy!"

* * *

Life was a meaningless void.

Death was the black abyss that every soul craved.

Nothing mattered.

All was useless in the nonexistent scheme of things.

The only truth was preached by those who understood this pain. Who could translate it for the world to listen to.And, on top of it, they made the truth into pretty catchy rock songs.

Yes, they were the few, the proud, Fall Out Boy.

'_One night and one more time,_

_Thanks for the memories_

_Even if they weren't so great-'_

An obnoxious knock sent Zexion out of his reverie. A visitor? He hadn't had one of those in years…No, make that never. He considered not opening the door. But what if it was the Superior with an urgent message? He sighed and took the handle in his hand-

No sooner had number XI turned the knob, he was thrown back, hitting the floor with a thud. Axel busted in with some blonde he couldn't remember ever seeing.

"Dude, we be in the crib!"

"Fo' rizzle, my kazizzle!"

The Cloaked Schemer blinked. What just came out of their mouths? Were those actual words?

"Who…is…he?" he managed to squeeze out.

"Uh, Roxas? Numero XIII? He's been here, like, five months. C'mon, you've seen him at the meetings!"

When the Cloaked Schemer made no signs of understanding, the pyro continued. "Well anyway, Roxas, this is Zexion, the goth."

"Hi, Zexy!"

"It's emo, you dolt."

"And Zexy, this is my homey, Roxas."

Awkward silence.

"What do you two want?" Zexion finally asked.

"Good question! Well, we're going to be crashing with you until Vexen stops chasing us. I mean, no one would bother looking in this part of the castle, anyway. So we shouldn't be here too long. One or two months."

Without waiting for an answer, the two began to move themselves in.

"Uh, let's see…we brought snackage, party games, my laptop-" Roxas began pulling out items from his suitcase.Number VI felt himself beginning to go into shock.

"And, dude, let's change the music." Axel swapped CD's so they were now listening to some annoyingly repetitive song about an umbrella.

"Wow, it's really dark in here. Let's turn on some lights…"

Twenty minutes later, Zexion's former emo cell/dark lair/Batcave had been transformed into a lava-lamped room, complete with posters of Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition models, five bean bags, twenty-some annoyingly adorable stuffed animals, a Wii and T.V., and a stereo blaring 'Cyclone'.

The Cloaked Schemer couldn't decide if this was a nightmare, he was getting Punk'd, or both.

His two tormenters were currently watching some annoying Youtube videos about two ditzy unicorns and a mountain made of candy and eating gummy worms like they were going out of style.

Two months of this? No way in heck.

Zexion portalled as fast as his emo butt could.

"Hey, get us some snacks while you're out!" the pyro called.

* * *

Soundly tied in Vexen's lab chairs, Roxas and Axel were far too wrapped up in their own musings to listen to number IV as he described their punishment.

"I can't believe Zexion ratted us out like that. I mean, what did we do that was so horrible? Improve his life?" Axel grumbled.

Number XIII stared down at the ropes binding him. "Have you noticed how many times I get tied up? Are we easy targets or something?"

"No way. Now you take that guy, Sephiroth. I'd say he was easier-"

"Nuh-uh. I'd hate to take him on."

"Well, I think-"

"Would the two of you SHUT UP?!" Vexen snapped. "I was explaining the experiment!"

Number VIII was silent a moment, thinking in his head about what the Chilly Academic had said while he and his buddy had discussed much more important things. See, he had mastered the art of talking AND listening at the same time, something he now put into good use. Something about a poor, defenseless animal…and knives…Actually, it sounded like full-out torture on a miniature scale. Sounded fun.

"And that's a punishment, how?"

"Obviously you two are unfamiliar with the dissection process."

The Chilly Academic wheeled a cart to the two, it containing two dead frogs in separate metal pans. Scalpels, scissors, and other tools were off to one side.

"Eww," Roxas blanched, "one's tongue is hanging out of his mouth."

"You two will take out all of their organs and lay them out. I will eave and lock the door. You have two hours."

"We can portal," Axel pointed out.

"Not in this room," the older man smiled smugly, "Specially designed."

With this, number IV untied the two and swiftly left the room before they could react. For an old guy, he had speed. For the first five minutes they blankly stared at the dead animals before them and each other. Finally the pyro timidly took up the scissors. Really seeing the things in their slimy-dead-ugly glory made him re-evaluate his opinion of this little "activity."

"How am I supposed to cut it?"

Number XIII wrinkled his nose. "It smells like dead fish. And it's looking at me."

"Why would he need TWO sets of frog organs? Forget this." Axel set his specimen on fire and watched it burn with little emotion.

"Want me to do yours?"

His friend shook his head no. "I'm gonna try to do this."

So, mustering up all of his courage, Roxas began to cut into the frog, gagging several times. He managed to locate all the necessary organs, carefully laying them out once he had cut them free. Number VIII was roasting some marshmallows he found in his pocket over the fire he had created.

"Mmm…fishy," he said with relish.

When the task was completed, Roxas checked the clock on the wall. They had about thirty minutes He grabbed the scalpel again.

"Let's check out Moosey's eyes."

"Moosey?"

The younger of the two shrugged and gestured at the frog. "It's as good of a name as any."

Finally Axel shrugged and his buddy stabbed at Moosey's peepers. A stream of yellow liquid shot out, landing right on the pyro's tongue. For a moment he was frozen in shock. The next, a look of utter horror crossed his face and he was bent over, sputtering.

Roxas doubled over, laughing. If only Larxene hadn't taken their camera…

* * *

When Vexen returned, he noticed that the two enemies were rather enjoying themselves. Of course. There was no justice in the worlds.

"Did you do as I asked?"

"Well, Axel kind of burnt his…but here's mine." XIII presented Moosey.

Vexen looked at the frog's remains slowly, enjoying the fact that he was making the other two impatient. He had to admit that Roxas's frog had been handled carefully. If he wasn't so annoying he might consider making him his lab assistant…

"OK, you're free to go. I let you off e-" his words fell on deaf ears, the two already running to the nearest sink to wash off the penguin-like smell. Grumbling to himself, the Chilly Academic began cleaning up.

* * *

"Psst…Larxy!" Looking up from her book, the woman stared headlong into a dead frog-and screamed.

"Here, catch it!"

"Get that THING away from me! I can see it's insides and everything! It's TONGUE is sticking out!"

"Aww, c'mon! We had to get Moosey out of the trash just so you could see him! Show some appreciation!"

Larxene, covering her ears, fled the room. Even the Savage Nymph had a weakness or two. Now that she was gone, the two used the lab specimen to play catch.

"Hey," Axel began slowly, "why don't we see how our emo friend takes to Moosey…"

"Only one way to find out…"

FIN

* * *

I had to dissect a frog (whose tongue was hanging out) in Biology this year...not pleasant. Some guy a few tables over actually had Axel's experience. (Well, he didn't roast marshmallows over it's flaming body, because that would be beastly, but the eye juice got in his mouth.) I'm glad I'm not him.

Reviews are still appreciated! For every one I receive, I make sure to check the author and their stories out. So thanks for reading and be sure to stay tuned...there is more to come!


	4. Snow Day

Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot. And even that is partially inspired by the movie "Snow Day."

PART 4-SNOW DAY

Believe it or not, sometimes Axel wasn't a morning person. Most days he could get up fine; maybe with just a little help from Roxas or the sudden inspiration of a ridiculous escapade entering his mind.

Today, however, fell into the other category. Coming slowly out of a lovely dream of Larxene--er waking from a dream about NO PARTICULAR PERSON--he was suddenly overcome by exhaustion. His body begged for a few more hours of shut-eye.

This idea was promptly thrown out the window when his best-est buddy literally flew in and landed on his bed, jumping up and down and grinning like a fiend.

"ZOMG ZOMG ZOMG AXEL!"

"Huh?"

"It's SNOWING!"

The boy ran to the pyro's window and threw back the curtains. Sure enough, a blanket of white covered the ground, thick flakes still coming down. He turned to Axel, his face radiating child-like wonder and joy at this rare act of nature.

VIII positioned himself to face the sight more comfortably. "Wow. Snow. Is that even possible here?"

XIII's smile flickered, but returned as strong as ever. "Who cares? On a snow day, anything's possible!" he cried, throwing up his hands.

Rolling his eyes good-naturedly, Axel climbed out of bed and began his day.

* * *

After a charming bowl of Crunchy Nuggets-eaten solely because of its awesome name--Marluxia looked outside and frowned deeply.Snow. How he detested it. A dangerous beauty that killed his flowers. His product from hours of toil. Wait…was it even possible for there to be snow in The World That Never Was?

He shook his head and began cleaning up his breakfast mess. With any luck it'd melt before the day was out, graciously leaving a few plants left. He'd need to go check on them later…

Axel, Roxas, and Demyx busted in, interrupting him mid-thought, suited up in fluffy bright gloves, hats, scarves, and an extra coat over their normal apparel.

The youngest made a break for a bowl of pop tarts--sugar on the go--and the other two paused to shoot the breeze with the Graceful Assassin.

"Are you going out in it, too?" the Flurry of Dancing Flames nodded to the nearest window.

"Maybe later, to check on my plants."

"Your precious," Axel agreed.

"Yes…my precious."

As the two smothered giggles at the subtle Lord of the Rings allusion, Marluxia eyed them with annoyance. "You guys are just jealous because I actually have a hobby that everyone can see," he said, attempting to sound casual.

The red-head cocked an eyebrow. "You're trying to make us jealous through that pathetic attempt?"

Number XIII continued the point through a mouthful of processed chocolate and marshmallow filling. "Well, I'm the only one eating a poptart that everyone can seeee…."

"And I'm the only one with a mullet that everyone can seeeee…" joined in Demyx.

"And I'm the only one wearing pink boxers that everyone can seeeee…."

Everyone looked at Axel awkwardly.

"Dude," Roxas shook his head, "too much info."With farewells of "see ya later, Pansy!", the trio made their way outside. Before the higher ranking guys could ask what was on the agenda, number XIII brought his first idea to the table.

"Let's build a snowman! A magical snowman!" His eyes took on a far-away look.

Axel snickered. "And Roxas is the only guy on drugs that everyone can seeee…."

* * *

Since it was practically his element, stepping outside was no problem for the Chilly Academic. He accompanied the Superior and his lapdog Saix as they spoke of world domination and other trivial matters. The Luna Diviner, unlike Vexen, was unused to such extreme weather. He debated on whether to flee for warmer temperatures or stay faithfully beside Xemnas.

"--And though I'd never seen cows explode like that before-" Number I and the others stopped as they rounded the corner. Several feet ahead of them, numbers VIII, IX, and XIII were putting the finishing touches on a snowy creation.

"Ah, a snowman. How charming," noted Saix dryly. At that moment, the three members moved away so they could admire their masterpiece.

"Quite," chuckled Vexen.

Saix furrowed his eyebrows and settled his mouth into a thin line. The "snowman" was an over-exaggerated version of him. His hair was attempting to defy gravity (original, right?), he sported a bushy mustache, and best-or worst-of all, he sported…

"Rather busty, eh, Saix?" the Superior nudge him. Sure enough, this version of the Luna Diviner had more 'up top' than usual.

That did it. Being humiliated through tasteless snow art by the Trouble Trio was bad enough, but in front of Xemnas…?

Unacceptable. He felt himself transforming.

The three snow sculptors noticed and grinned, just a little guilt showing for good measure. Like that was going to help. Saix was going to….

"Come along, number VII," Xemnas, already bored, called. Oh, thought number VII, but it wouldn't take him long to beat those three into a deliciously bloody pulp-

Vexen anticipated this, already thinking of a way to suck up to the Superior. He smirked, dulling the Luna Diviner's rage.

Like a puppy, the purple-haired man followed after number I. He wasn't going to lose his good standings. He'd get those no-good-rooten-mama's-boys (okay, well I'm censoring A BIT)…But someday. Ohhh yes, he'd make them pay…

* * *

"Larxene Ohmygosh Larxene!!" Roxas ran into the woman's room like he was on fire and hopped onto the bed. She snapped her eyes open and scowled. Last time he'd busted into her room like this the results had not been pleasant, something that made her extra wary as she answered.

"What? This better be-"

"It's Axel. He's gonna do it! I told him not to, but he won't listen!"

"Do wha-?"

"And you're the only one he trusts, so we gotta hurry!" the boy was already half-dragging her out of the room.

Offering no other explanation, number XIII pulled her outside. She immediately began shivering, seeing nothing but white and clouds from her exhaling. Was it even possible for it to snow in The World That Never Was? She turned to Roxas-

"I don't see-" but he was gone. She glowered. He'd made her come out her so she could freeze her butt off.

"FIRE!" Larxene suddenly felt her body pelted with snowballs. It went on unceasingly for almost a minute, ending with a round of laughter. Axel and Demyx rose from a camouflaged snow fort and a portalled Roxas came out from behind a nearby tree.The Savage Nymph shivered, too cold even to retaliate. She managed to utter a threat as she retreated.

"Later."

It was a promise.

"Yeah, we'll be waiting!"

"Larxene's the only sucker that everyone can seeee-"

* * *

Marluxia gazed shiftily around the room, eyeing the people near him. Saix. Vexen. Larxene. The last of these, who'd called the 'meeting', stood before them and cleared her throat.

"I have a plan that all of you might find…interesting," she stated cryptically.

"Well, continue," Vexen waved her on.

XII frowned at being ordered about, but did as directed anyway.

"We all find two of our fellow members generally annoying. I propose we take advantage of the snow and give them a taste of their own medicine…"

She needn't say who she was referring to. And whatever she had in mind was no doubt devious and well-deserved.

The Luna Diviner leaned in. "We're listening."

* * *

The day was wearing down--as much as it could in that particular world--and the snow was beginning to thaw. After several hours of serious fun, the three trouble-makers headed for the door.

Number XIII began listing all that they'd done. "Snowmen, snowball fight, snow angels, snow forts-"

Axel concentrated on getting to the door, half-listening, when a huge iceball hit him square in his back. He turned to his oblivious buds.

"Okay, who did that?!"

Both violently denied it. Shrugging, VIII turned back around-

-To have another chunk of snow hit his shoulder.

"Something's up…" he said, glancing around. It seemed nothing was amiss…

"I don't-OOF!" Roxas was hit in the chest. The three automatically drew closer together. After a moment of quiet, they each grabbed a handful of snow and began forming balls.

"ATTACK!"

The tide had turned. This time the three stood on the receiving end of the ice fight. They still couldn't see who their enemies were, but they had a pretty good idea of who was leading the attack.

The youngest of the Organization hit the ground.

"Man down!" the red-head cried as he hurled a snowball into the frozen wasteland around them.

"Roxas! Speak to me!" Demyx hit his knees and dramatically took his buddy in his arms. "He was so young!" he cried, giving an exaggerated sniff. "WHY?!"

Axel rolled his eyes.

The boy barely stayed conscious, aware that the snowballs had suddenly ceased. Someone portal led before them. Larxene? She opened her mouth-

And he passed out.

* * *

Somewhere far, far below the ground, the Cloaked Schemer swore he heard cries of pain suddenly overshadowed by bursts of multiple persons laughing diabolically. Darn snow--was it even possible on this world? It did stuff to people.

* * *

When the youngest Organization member came to, he realized with dismay that he and his two buddies were tied up to a tree, Larxene, Saix, Vexen, and Marluxia standing before them.

"Oh, good. He's awake," the Savage Nymph remarked. Axel turned to his friend as best as he could. Roxas gawked. He was on in his BOXERS--which were, in fact, pink. The pyro grinned with a hint of embarrassment. Leaning forward a little, the boy could see that the Melodious Nocturne was in the same condition.

Come to think of it, it did seem colder now…

"Crap!" he looked down to see that he too was barely clothed. At his outburst, the four tormenters chuckled. Larxene stepped closer.

"Tell me…what is two plus one?"

"Uh, three?" they responded in unison.A blinding flash made them silently curse themselves for their stupidity.

After a few more humiliating minutes, the unbound members got bored.

"I want a copy," Saix said in parting, pointing at the camera.

"Oh, don't worry. This is definitely Christmas-card material."

The other two guys left, leaving the Savage Nymph to deal with them alone. With a sigh, she summoned her kunai knives.

"Okay. You're good to go," she said, cutting the ropes away. Demyx immediately portalled away like the coward he was. Axel was about to do the same, but he found himself securely stuck to the tree by another kunai.

"Not you."

"Wha-"

The pyro's words were lost as Larxene leaned in.

* * *

'Well blow me down and sink me' would be a good piratical way to describe Roxas' reaction.

Larxene.

Kissing.

Axel.

Axel.

Kissing.

Back.

The strangest, sickest, 14.7 seconds of his life. Thakfully, the Savage Nymph jumped back in-character, pushed away from the pyro and portalled away, muttering something about 'brushing my tongue until it bleeds.'

Axel looked strangely pleased as Roxas took the knife out of his shorts.

"Wow, Roxas, anything really CAN happen on a snow day…"

XIII gagged. "I'm going to have nightmares."

"You're jealous."

"And Axel's the only crazy person anyone can seeeee…"

END

* * *

The running gag, "so-and-so's the only anyone can seeeeee..." was inspired by one of my best friends telling me that I was jealous because she was the only person with a boyfriend that everyone could see. 0o Whatever that was supposed to mean.

If you were confused, the "what's two plus two?" is from an early volume of Fruits Basket, where Hatori uses that to get Kyou and Yuki to smile. If you say three, you smile involuntarily. I would know. I tried.

So thanks for reading people--I made sure I had this up before I went on vacation to the beach. Please make my day and review!

Soli Deo Gloria


	5. All's Fair in Love and Larxy

Hi guys, I'm finally back with round 5 of Organization Nonsense! Thanks SO SO much for all the reviews, story alerts, and author alerts. I feel loved. Haha. Hope you enjoy this edition just as much as the others.

On a completely different note, is anyone a Twilight series fan? I wanted to read Breaking Dawn, but I read spoilers on Wikipedia and reviews on and...whoa. Can't say I saw any of that coming (and cough cough I was totally Team Jacob. Haha.). But I admire Stephanie and am really looking forward to the movie in December. So...yeah.

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

* * *

After the little snow day 'incident' a week before, Axel had been far more reflective and…down-right sappy. More than once Roxas had busted in to find his friend mooning over some portrait of Larxy he'd somehow stolen. Sometimes he'd sigh heavily and get that weird, far off look in his eye. Worst of all, the waste basket was overflowing with failed attempts at love poems. You know, 'roses are red-' and all that rubbish.

Sure, number XIII had done his best to make his buddy forget the unattainable girl. He figured that with a little coaxing and time it'd end up like all of the pyro's abandoned obsessions.

But he was INSISTENT that what he was feeling was the big l-word. He was over the moon. Struck by cupid's fluffy arrow.

"Axel, you're forgetting: we're nobodies. WE DON'T FEEL!"

"Oh, you did not just go there!"

All reasoning was dropkicked to Oblivion. No, scratch that. Dropkicked so far past Oblivion that they haven't even come up with a term to describe where it was.

So, basically the pyro was a mess. He hardly left his room anymore. No matter what bait his friend used, the get-'em-out-of-this-foolishness trap didn't work. Candy didn't work. Bringing in Demyx solved nothing. Even a pair of confiscated pink frilly underwear--compliments of an unknowing Marly--didn't work.

Roxas, being the great sort-of person that he was, finally decided that if he couldn't beat 'im, he'd join 'im. So he began thinking of how to get the two together.

Checking the calendar, he saw his friend's chance.

"It's almost Valentine's Day, Axel."

"When's that? I can't ever remember the day…"

"Come on, man! Where's your sensitive side?! If you want to steal her heart--uh, relatively speaking--you buy her something for the big V-day!"

"Which is…?"

Roxas palmed his forehead. This wasn't a good start.

"February 14th."

"And today is…?"

"The 13th! We have one day to get a great gift," he paused for a moment, then continued. "Let's hit THE store, if you know what I mean."

Number VIII perked up. "Oh YEAH! Victoria's Secret!"

"Hallmark."

"I knew that, hehe…"

His buddy rolled his eyes. "Change into something normal. Since I assume you're broke-" Axel shrugged innocently "-we'll ask Demyx for some money."

The boy set out to find the Melodious Nocturne. Along the way, he bumped into the one…the only…Marluxia.

"What are you doing?" he asked suspiciously.

Roxas was struck with a brilliant idea. "Marly, you're queer-er more feminine MINDED than me or Axel. Help him pick out a gift for Larxene."

After he made sure it wouldn't get in the way of his nail appointment, the Graceful Assassin agreed. The two continued on to Demyx's room.

Already in the holiday spirit, number IX was strumming the 'L.O.V.E.' song. "L is for the way you look at me, O is for-" When he saw the guys enter, he stopped.

"What's going down?"

So number XIII explained the whole Larxene-Axel problem. The Melodious Nocturne, after listening, granted them fifty dollars as long as he could go along too.

After separating briefly to get dressed into something 'normal', they met back up in the pyro's room.

When they busted in, number VIII was already hard at work on another poem.

"Roses are red, violets are…hey, why's the queer here?"

Marluxia growled.

"Uh, Roxas, no offense but this idea's kind of getting weird," Axel said.

XIII sighed. "Then let's go before it gets any worse."

* * *

The four guys entered the store, it already crowded with other clueless shoppers. All desperately looked for ANYTHING to get their crush or lover. The fourteenth of February was a cruel day for them.

"Remember: lay low. If we make a scene, Xemnas will have our heads."

With three none-too-reassuring sets of thumbs up, they entered the fray. Axel took the card section, Marluxia looked at the plants and flowers, and Demyx and Roxas tackled the knick-knacks.

About ten minutes into the search, Demyx found some musical buttons. 'Press me! I play the chicken dance!' the sticker on one screamed. Temptation…Must…Resist…AAAGH!

The pyro looked up from a card. Who was the moron who had started up the chicken dance song?

Roxas turned the annoying button off. Already a few people were staring. He grinned sheepishly at them, then glared at number IX.

"Uh…I'll go help Axel!" he said quickly, running off as soon as the words were out of his mouth. He found the pyro, but was immediately side-tracked when he saw some musical cards in a display case beside of him.

"Looky!" he cried with delight. Opening one at random, he was greeted by the song 'Who Says' by the one…the only…Hannah Montana.

Thinking that perhaps Larxene would like a card like that, number VIII walked over and reached for one as well.

Marluxia glanced toward the card isle. Some stupid kid had ten of those stupid cards that played music going at the same time. The loudest, by far, was the one that played that song by that Montana girl.

"Do you think she'd like 'Let's Get It On?"

"Who says, who says I-Who says, who says I-Who says-" the card Hannah answered repeatedly, the Melodious Nocturne opening and closing the card with glee.

"Or maybe Gettin' Jiggy With It'…hey, Roxas, you tell me."

Number XIII, mortified, snatched all the cards away and closed them. By now most of the store was watching.

Demyx reached for the Hannah Montana card again. Roxas moved to stop him-

"Gettin' jiggy with it. Na na-" he looked to see Axel half-dancing. Forgetting about number IX, he attempted to snatch the other card.

"Who says, who says-"

He went back to trying to grab the Hannah Montana card, but the song Axel was holding was only repeated. Several more times the boy tried to grab a card out of the hands of his friend, only to have the other or even more played by the other guy instead. He finally howled in defeat, Marluxia walking up at this point.

"Look what I found," he said dryly.

"Press it!" the Melodious Nocturne cried.  
Roxas began banging his head against the wall as the chicken dance made a reprise. This time Demyx decided to do the dance and sing the unofficial lyrics.

"I don't wanna be a chicken, I don't wanna be a duck, so I shake my butt!"

The sound of a throat being cleared made the four freeze.

The jig was up.

* * *

"Okay, we'll just have to improvise with this whole gift thing," Roxas said, the unlikely quartet back in Axel's room. After being thrown out of Hallmark, they'd come back to see if they could think up any more ideas.

"There's Victoria's Se-"

"No!"

"Well, fine," the pyro pouted, "what does the queer think?" he asked Marly.

"Maybe you can win her without gifts. Like you can-"

Demyx was struck with inspiration. "Ooh! Ooh! Pick me!"

Cursed insomnia.

Larxene punched her pillow and readjusted the covers. She hadn't had a decent night's sleep in at least three days. What was the deal? She'd never had this trouble before…With a growl, she ventured a look at the clock. Ugh.

Time crawled by, like a one-legged snail…if snails had legs.

Hold on-could it be? Her eyes were growing heavy. Yes, she was drifting off! At last!  
Number XII relaxed and could almost TASTE dreamland. Ahhh…

* * *

Somewhere far below the ground, in his little hole, Zexion heard something over the roar of his CD player. Something downright…wrong.

* * *

"CAN YOUUUUU FEEEEL THE LOOOOOVE TOOO-NIIGHT!"

Larxene jerked up. Was some poor animal dying? She raced to her room's outside balcony and gazed down at the source of the horrid shrieking.

Demyx was playing most excellently on his sitar, Axel crooning as best as he could beside of him.

"THE PEEACE THEEE EEEEVENING BRIIIINGS!"

She covered her ears. Were they bleeding?

"Axel! Axel! AXEL! SHUT UP!"

Number VIII obeyed and looked back up at her adoringly.

Oh, barf.

"What do you want?" she snapped.

"But Larxene! I'm proclaiming our love through song!"

Something was definitely wrong with him.

He wasn't calling her Larxy.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa! LOVE? What about LOVE?"

The two took this as a cue. The Melodious Nocturne struck up a beat. "Love, I'm doing this for love, and love will see me through!"

Once again, the Savage Nymph none too kindly told him to shut his singing pie hole.

Wearily, she then held up a hand.

"Axel, you're crazy-"

"You may be right, I may be crazy! But it just may be a looonatic you're looking for!

Turn out the lights, don't try to save me-"

The pyro was so caught up in his rendition that he didn't see the bucket of cold water coming before it was too late. Making sure he was thoroughly drenched, Larxy went back into her room.

"Ah," Demyx shrugged, "back to the drawing board."

* * *

Going with his own idea next, Axel decided to take the more artistic approach.

Silence, at last. No more music. NOW to bed. Larxene burrowed into her blankets and sighed contentedly. She'd be asleep any second now….yep, any second…like now…or now…or maybe…now..

Wait, what was that smell? She sniffed the air tentatively. Smoke? Probably some Vexen experiment gone amuck. With any luck, he'd have blown up his lab….She dismissed it and was about to go to bed when she saw flames on the horizon outside her window.

Crappety crap crap. The castle was on fire. She ran back outside…

And stopped as she looked at the ground below and before her. Stretched across a mile or more was the message 'I LOVE YOU, LARXENE!' written in flames.

She gaped for a moment, then went to the phone to solve the problem.

"Yes, World That Never Was 911. I wanted to report a brush fire…"

* * *

"Well, that was a bust!" Marluxia panted after successfully escaping from local authorities.

"Shut up, queer. Don't see you doing anything," Axel gasped.

"Fine, fine. Leave it to me."

A knock on the door roused a half-awake number XII. She stomped to the door, yanked it open, and scowled….

Then gawked.

"So how much are they paying you?" she asked, regaining her composure.

"Shut up. It's for Axel."

Roxas, playing cupid, was playing the part to a tee. He had little heart clips in his hair, a diaper on, and a little sash. Apart from that…nothing. In his hands he held a bouquet of yellow roses.

"So?"

"Take the flowers."

"And…?"

"I'm supposed to give you some chocolate."

"Oh, really? Does it come out of your diaper?"

Roxas growled. "As soon as I get my hands on the closest sugary food, I'm coming to make your life a living hel-"

"-lo, Roxas…interesting choice of clothes." Xigbar and Luxford surveyed the scene.

"Trying to win the old girl's heart, guv?" the Brit nodded at the roses.

"It's…for…Axel."

Both exchanged 'yeah-I-bet' looks. Xigbar called down the hall. "Hey, guys, check out the kid."

Instantly, Xaldin and Lexaeus appeared.

"Hmmm….the Namine girl won't be too pleased about Roxas cheating on her…"

"I'd hate to get the witch mad…"

Number XIII's eyes widened. Oh…

Snap.

He practically threw the flowers at Larxene and portalled.

* * *

Later, Axel, his buddies, and the queer sulked in his room. Strike three. They were out. Well, better to have loved and lost…

The Flurry of Dancing Flames finally rose. "Well, it's been fun guys," he saluted.

"Where are you going?" number IX asked as he watched his friend head for the door.

"To drown my sorrows in chocolate ice cream and mashed potatoes," he answered bluntly.

After stuffing himself with these delicious items, he went to the only person who could possibly help him. The one guy who knew what it was all about. And we know I'm not talking about the Hokey Pokey.

"Go away!"

"But Zexy! I need your guidance!"

Pause. "...For what?"

"Heartbreak."

"Fall Out Boy advises against such matters."

"Tell me about this….Fall Out Boy."

"Are you fo' rizz-I mean, in earnest?"

So number VIII learned about the bleak profession that was emo-ism. After receiving two Fall Out Boy CDs, he went back to his room so he could begin converting.

* * *

Imagine his surprise when a certain blonde-haired Savage Nymph greeted him there.

"What're you…"

"You and your stupid buddies-"

"Nuh-uh. Marly is NOT my buddy!"

"-and the queer kept me awake."

"Oh…sorry."

"Yeah," she sighed. "But thanks for the flowers.

Awkward silence.

Now that they were finally alone, Axel discovered that he could find nothing to say to her. He couldn't even put the moves on her, he was so nervous…

She turned and made for the door.

"Wait!"

"Huh?"

Axel bent down and kissed her cheek. "Happy Valentine's Day."

"Um, it's the day before."

"Whatever."

Now, this author would LOVE to say that this was only the beginning of a magical romance. That Axel swept Larxene off her feet with the next kiss-

"Don't push it, buddy."

But, uh, I value my life. You'll just have to wait until next time…

"Yeah, they better."

* * *

In another part of the castle, a fully-dressed number XIII presented himself to his best girl,

stuffed animal and a box of chocolate in tow.

"Namine!" he called.

The girl came to the door, her normally placid eyes flashing.

"What's this I hear about you and Larxene?"

Curse that queer and his weird romance ideas.

FIN

* * *

I originally wrote this on February 12th or something. Me, my sister, and my dad had that little Hallmark experience (minus getting kicked out, surprisingly) while I was shopping for something for my boyfriend. (I would be Roxas in that situation...sigh)

Um...kind of a cute Larxel at the end--I like a good Larxel every now and then--and a Roxine on the rocks. Oh, and I really don't think as Marluxia as queer. He's pretty cool--and he totally kicked my butt on C.o.M. along with that Riku Replica...The songs Demyx sings are "You May Be Right" by Billy Joel, part of a song from Legally Blonde the musical, and, of course, "Can You Feel the Love Tonight" from the Lion King.


	6. The Vacation from Heck

Hi guys, it's been something like a week since my last update...and since then, I've only gotten 1 review!! Please please please continue to comment on my story! But anyways, here's the next part of Organization Nonsense and it could be a while before the 7th part (as I have yet to write it...innocent whistle)

Disclaimer: I own nada.

* * *

Each year, the Organization went on its annual worlds tour to see which places they should go next to gather hearts. Everyone secretly enjoyed this, not exactly for the mission, but the weeks of freedom. No more looking at the boring ol' castle in The World that Never Was. And, even better, they could get out of their drab black coats and into normal apparel. It was their version of our summer vacation.

Oddly enough, Axel and Roxas kept a low profile in the weeks leading up to it. The pyro was reading a book series--not picture books or risqué magazines, for once--and number XIII was dreaming of the most magical place on Earth.

No, he didn't want to come to my house.

Instead, he was very interested in coming to Disney World. Advertisements about it sometimes came on the T.V. and he'd researched it some on the internet.

When number VIII had found out about his friend's sudden fascination, he'd asked if this 'Disney' was any relation to Disney Castle.

"I dunno. I think it's just an amusement park."

"Maybe we can stop there on our trip."

"Xemnas wouldn't-"

"I mean, we've been pretty good this last month-"

"Except for flooding Vexen's lab with apple juice…"

"Yeah-""And putting all those rabbits in Xaldin's bed…"

"Well, okay-"

"And slicking up the kitchen floors-"

Axel suddenly got very excited. "Aw man, did you see it when Larxene fell? I got to look up her coat for, like, three seconds!"

"Axel," his friend sighed, "she had PANTS on…"

The pyro frowned.

"And then we hid Xigbar's guns in the toilet-"

Maybe I'm wrong about this whole 'low profile' thing. Anyways, Axel realized that his friend had a valid point. Xemnas probably wouldn't let them go to Disney World, just because he thought they'd been behaving badly. And he was a natural fun-sucker…So, being the awesome Nobody that he was, number VIII began making a scheme of his very own…

* * *

The day of the worlds tour, Axel was in hysterics.

"But we can't leave yet! The next volume in my book series just came out! DO YOU KNOW HOW LONG I HAVE BEEN WAITING TO READ IT??"

"Two weeks," said Larxene matter-of-factly as she loaded up one of the Gummi Ships.

"Exactly!"

"Too bad…" she feigned sympathy.

As the pyro pleaded his case to anyone who'd listen (that eventually narrowed down to Demyx), Zexion left the castle for the first time in seven…months…or years, whatever works. He pulled a hood over his head, squinting.

"The light…it burns," he hissed.

Marluxia eyed him strangely. "There is no light in The World that Never Was."

"Ohhh, but there is! There is, I tell you!" he looked around shiftily "They think I'm crazy, but I'll show them! Show them all! Bwahahaha!"

"Uh, good luck with that?" the Graceful Assassin replied as he edged away.

At that moment, the Superior began to explain the transportation method. "Since we need two Gummi ships this year, I'll drive the first one and Luxford the other. Numbers two through five and seven will accompany me, and the rest will be riding in the next ship."

Roxas and Axel high-fived, then the latter looked at the Savage Nymph.

"I've sitting beside youuu!"

"Our first stop is Traverse Town," number I continued, "which is about six hours away. We'll then continue on to-" he lectured for a good twenty minutes, telling them about every single world they'd cover. Axel tuned him out, his mind already returning to the new book he wanted so desperately.

When that was finally over, they boarded the Gummi Ships, Xemnas' taking off first. Luxford's followed a moment later, thanks to Demyx taking one last potty break.

* * *

Larxene shook the pyro awake from his nap. "Oh my gosh, look!" she cried, pointing out the wide window.

"A Books-A-Million? In space?!" he jumped to his feet and ran to Luxford.

"Stop the ship! We've got to go to the bookstore!"

"…Why?"

"I MUST HAVE THE BOOK!"

"Uh, no."

"WHAT?!"

"Go sit down, Axel," number X said with obvious boredom.

"Umm…I've got to pee?"

"Nice try."

"Fine! I'm jumping!" He ran for the ship's door and began pressing the necessary buttons to open it.

"Noooo! Axel!" Roxas, Demyx, and Marluxia all leapt on him and held him down. Larxene could do nothing, already occupied with laughing her butt off. Zexion was zoned out, listening to Fall Out Boy on his ipod.

As they passed the store, number VIII gave one last cry of defeat and returned to his seat. He'd have that book yet.

* * *

About three hours later, they landed on rather unfamiliar terrain.

"I don't see the Superior's ship, but I followed the map.."

Roxas took one look at their surroundings and gasped with joy. Huge, white castle. Thousands of people milling about. Colorful booths and shops. A huge dressed-up mouse…

"This isn't Traverse Town," Larxene confirmed.

"She says she's no good at words but I'm worse," sang Zexy.

"Hmmm…it wouldn't hurt to check this place out," Marluxia offered. With a shrug, numbers X and XII agreed.

The group alighted, Axel half-brooding and Roxas on the verge of hyper.

"Where do you think we are, anyway?"

Giving himself away--not that he really cared--Axel answered with Roxas.

"Disney World!"

* * *

Looking down, Luxfored quickly realized that they had a problem.

"We're in the middle of a park."

"So?"

"We'll cause attention."

Axel quickly assured him. "No problem. We'll look for directions and leave at closing time. And don't worry about getting in trouble, because I'll totally take the blame."

Luxford shrugged. "Okay." What else could he say? "We should split up, though. Axel, Roxas, Demyx--go search for answers on the left side of this place. The rest of us will take the right."

Axel pouted and waved goodbye to number XII. "I'll miss you!"

The Savage Nymph rolled her eyes.

"We're so going on Splash Mountain first!" Roxas cheered.

* * *

After several hours of high-octane thrill rides, the three crashed on a bench and snacked on some ice cream bars.

"This is the life," Demyx sighed.

Agreements were cut short as a girl thrust an autograph book into the pyro's face.

"Oh my gosh! I had no idea Disney did cosplay week! You've got to be the hottest Axel I've ever seen!"

"Wha-?" Roxas started to question, but it died as he watched his friends sign his name with a flourish. Without warning, the mysterious girl whistled shrilly and called to no one in particular:

"It's Axel and Roxas!"

They were immediately mobbed by at least a hundred females of various ages, all asking random questions, demanding an autograph, or giggling madly.

"So, Axel, how do you do your hair?"

"What's your favorite color, Roxas?"

"Where did you three get those awesome hoodies?" The three looked down, just realizing they had forgotten to change.

Finally someone asked the inevitable Roxas or Axel fan girl question, which all have pondered at some time or other:

"So are y'all gay together or something?"

Utter silence.

Looks of horror crossed the faces of the two in question. Demyx finally busted out laughing.

"Us?" Axel finally stammered. "No way in heck!"

"Yeah," Roxas chuckled nervously, "he's got a thing for Larxene."

This was met by many groans, a few cheers, and several "Told ya! C'mon, pay up!" 's.

"Is she here too?"

The Melodious Nocturne saw their chance to escape. "Uh huh. Wayyyy over there," he pointed off into the distance.

Cries of 'let's go find her!' were heard as the mass of raging hormones stampeded off. All three sighed heavily with relief.

"Let's make sure THAT doesn't happen again."

* * *

That idea was immediately put into effect, the trio buying fuzzy 'pimp' hats that covered their hair and most of their faces from a nearby souvenir stand. Their black ensemble was also replaced by T-shirts and pants with the Disney logo on them.

"You sure you don't want to be Tinker Bell?" asked number VIII to XIII, holding up an adult character costume.

After that was done, they realized they had a few hour left, so they went to go do a few more rides and then go browsing through a few stores.

* * *

The other members in the pack, however, weren't having nearly as much fun. As Zexion listened to his music endlessly, the other three asked random people for directions. All they got in reply were weird looks or rude comments. Asking cast members was no help, either. When Marly had consulted a man dressed as Pluto, he was promptly punched, then chased around Fantasy Land.

Now they sat, downhearted (well, sort of), racking their brains for any further plans. It looked hopeless. They'd be stuck in this crowded, chaotic, cheery park forever. All thanks to Axel.

"Well," Luxford said optimistically, "can't get much worse."

The Graceful Assassin rolled his eyes. "Every time someone something even more horrible happens!"

Larxene suddenly jerked up and pointed at the mob sprinting towards them, all chanting her name.

"Like that! Run!" the three leapt up and zoomed away. Zexion continued to rock on as the fan girl army passed him, in hot pursuit of the Savage Nymph and the two accompanying her.

Who knows how long he finally got his freak on. He just halted when he felt a firm hand on his shoulder.

"Where are the others?"

"Numbers ten through twelve are being chased. The others…" he shrugged.

"Very well. Go to your ship and wait there for further instructions."

The Cloaked Schemer bowed. "Very well, Superior."

* * *

"Man, that Hall of Presidents was a hoot and a holler!" Demyx grinned as he and his buds walked down Main Street.

"Yeah, I guess. The movie was-" Axel froze, his eyes riveted to a shop window they were passing by.

There, on display, was the book he had nearly killed himself for in space.

He ran inside, grabbed the first one he saw, and pushed his way through the mob of little children to the cashier. "HOW MUCH?! I want this so, so bad! This series is awesome! I could marry it! Could you hurry up, pretty, pretty please?"

Raising an eyebrow, the woman rang it up. Axel nearly threw the money at her and reached for the bag-

"Axel, come with me."

"But-!"

"NOW!"

Xemnas, having mysteriously appeared out of nowhere in that endearing way of his, yanked the pyro away, his hands groping for the book in vain.

Axel wept bitterly as they portalled.

"Now, I know you won't be shocked when I tell you that you're in HUGE trouble. We've lost a whole day on our mission, all thanks to your recklessness." Number I wasn't stupid. He knew whose half-baked scheme this was.

They ended up on the ship, the Flurry of Dancing Flames wincing at the glares of numbers two through five and Saix.

"Keep him here," Xemnas instructed as he prepared to go back. "I've already apprehended Demyx and Roxas. We'll leave just as soon as I find the missing three."

After he was gone, Axel nervously chuckled at his hostile shipmates, attempting to break the tension.

"So…anyone been on It's a Small World?"

* * *

Luxford, Marluxia, and Larxene all hid behind an unoccupied stage's set of curtains, scarcely daring to breathe. Those stupid girls had been relentless.

"Think the coast is clear?" the Gambler of Fate whispered.

"I think-"

"HOWDY, FOLKS! WELCOME TO THE COUNTRY BEAR JAMBOREE!" a recorded voice behind them boomed. The guys scowled and covered their ears.

"Oh no! The curtain's rising!" the Savage Nymph screamed. The warning came too late, for they were now facing a frozen audience-

Full of fan girls.

"There they are!"

"Get them!"

They decided to round the corner and then portal to another part of the park. They hadn't done this before because not only did they not want to accidentally portal out of the world and have no way of getting back, they also didn't want the girls to find out they were more than the originally-thought clever cosplayers.

They ended up somewhere in Adventure Land, right in front of their leader. Number XI hit the ground below his feet gratefully.

"We're saved! Thank you! Thank you!"

Number I raised an eyebrow.

"Quite. Now, let's be on our way."

* * *

Less than an hour later, the thirteen were safely on their scheduled route. Axel, glum without his friends, stared out the window.

"Having fun?"

He jumped at the Superior's sudden entrance.

"Uh…"

"Let's cut to the chase, Axel," Xemnas was already bored. "I have decided what your punishment will be, effective immediately after we leave the last world on our tour."

The pyro nearly rolled his eyes. His leader was almost notorious for bad punishments. The Superior's ideas were always so unoriginal and not severe in any way.

"We will drop you back off at Disney World. Alone."

So?

"With an anti-portal collar on."

This was sounding more like a reward. What did he-

"On gay week."

Number VIII's cry of utter despair echoed to infinity--and beyond.

Me and my family went to Disney over Christmas break (note to you all: don't do that! It was insanely crowded and I was exhausted the whole time, what with waking up at 5:30 a.m. and going to bed at 11 p.m.! But Expedition Everest and the Laugh Floor were still cool...) and on the day we left they released The Sweet Far Thing by Libba Bray. Mom and dad wouldn't let me get a copy before we left or on the ride down, so I suffered for a good 9 1/2 hours there (we passed by a Books-A-Million and I pressed my face against the window and was like "nooooo!") but managed to get one on the return trip. Shew...

I wished Disney had a cosplay week, or at least recognized Kingdom Hearts SOMEWHERE in the parks. All me and my sister could find were some Kairi dolls at Epcot's Japanese pavilion. But they do have gay week. Thankfully, though, we haven't been down there at that time...

The Pluto punching Marly actually has happened to one poor kid, and I think he even chased him around Fantasy Land...and the Hall of Presidents being a hoot and a holler came from an utterly hilarious Jungle Book guide.

So...please comment and tell me if you liked my little installment!

Soli Deo Gloria


	7. Snapshots

Due to the overwhelming support of my reviewers and friends--over 900 hits!--I have been able to overcome a good 4 or 5-month case of writer's block with this particular chapter of Organization Nonsense. Thanks so much! I can understand if part 7 wasn't to your liking--I think it's the weakest--but I hope you'll give 8 a try!

Also...I am debating on whether to make this a 10- or 15-parter (maybe even 20?). Input on this decision would be greatly appreciated. If you guys think I should go to 10, then I think I've got 2 pretty solid plotlines. But if you want 15, then I need some of you guys to give me some ideas (via reviews) and I'll combine or tweak them to use and you'll get credit. Any--no matter how random--will be carefully considered!

This is divided into 3 shorter parts, indicating 3 different days. I did this because originally this was going to be the last chapter, but I love this series so much I HAD to keep going. Well, hope you enjoy!

Disclaimer: I own none of these people, places, or songs.

* * *

PART 1--M & M's (metal and microwaves)

Shortly after the crashed concert fiasco, there had been a significant decline in the interest of continuing the band. Consequently, the four girls and two hedgehogs packed up and hit the road, but they popped by rather frequently to catch up with their friends and go on other adventures.

At the moment, though, Axel's mind was far from this topic. It was fully focused on one thing, and one thing only…

Food.

But, of course, a catch prevented him from being appeased: there was absolutely NOTHING readily available to eat in this castle; which was a remarkable feat in itself, giving its enormous size. He had completely emptied the refrigerator, closet, and was almost done unloading the pantry. He'd even gone so far as to attempt to raid Roxas' secret candy stash under his mattress, but found that it had long been eaten by the addicted child.

If he'd had some sort of culinary skills, maybe he could have used the raw materials--spices, wheat and flour, packages of processed food, etc.--that he had found to whip up something. But, seriously, can you really see the Flurry of Dancing Flames standing over a stove, going "fantabulous!" while wearing a frilly apron and making some impossible dish off of Food Network.

Didn't think so.

Roxas came in to find the pyro down in fetal position, going into withdraw in front of the now-empty pantry. Empty boxes and crumbs lay scattered around him, and the poor soul appeared to be either foaming at the mouth or crying.

"Um, what's wrong, Axel?" he asked, slightly concerned but mostly curious.

"No food…so…hungry…" he whispered maniacally, half to himself as he rocked back and forth.

Number XIII took a good look to further confirm the obvious. This certainly could be a serious problem; he needed a good 2,000 calories-worth of sugar cereal and candy every five hours to stay in tip-top (Larxene-hassling) form.

"What about the freezer?" he finally asked hopefully.

Always optimistic, he opened the door.

"Cool! There's actually something in-"

His sentence was cut off as his buddy dove in front of him and yanked the mysterious metal pan out. He sniffed it frantically, then looked side to side with paranoia.

"Stupid Vexen, hoarding all the goods…but I found it! I did! I did! And now I will eat it because it is mine! Mine! My-"

"Can I have a little?" the younger boy asked, grinning warily. Number VIII snarled, then ripped off the lid and shoved half of whatever-it-was down his waiting throat.

He froze, mid-chew, as he realized he was pretty much eating solid ice. With a frown, he spit it all back out and ignored the exclamations of disgust coming from his friend.

The answer, to him, was relatively simple. He just needed to shove this little baby here into the microwave. Plate? Ha. Who needed 'em?

He shoved it in the apparatus, pushed the buttons he wanted, and didn't give another thought to the METAL container now circulating around and around.

Why? Re-read the whole parody Rachael Ray description.

Now that he was about to be satisfied, Axel turned, with his sanity appearing once again, to converse on other topics.

Vexen set down his latest experiment, realizing by his drowsy eyes and sluggish brain that it was time to call it a day. But, come to think of it, he was hungry; he'd just nip down to the kitchen and grab those leftovers he'd saved from the previous night's dinner.

When he portalled to the scene, he wasn't sure what was more important to freak out over:

1) Axel apparently stealing his precious food, or

2) Said food aflame in the microwave and his fellow Organization members oblivious to it.

Going with the second reason--we're talking a bonfire, baby--he pretty much threw himself across the kitchen, screaming "NOOOOO!", and sailing between numbers VIII and XIII. As if in glorious slow motion, the turned their eyes to see Vexen flying and the microwave engulfed in flames, their jaws dropping simultaneously to the floor.

Number IV yanked open the door and ducked, just in time to miss the huge explosion of food.

KA-BOOOOOM!

Cheese and noddles--apparently pasta--flew everywhere, splatting the pyro and his buddy from head to toe. The Chilly Academic merely frowned at the mess that used to be the mini-oven, shrugging his fellow's fate as reasonable and very satisfying. It would be VERY difficult to concoct a reasonable excuse for the Superior to explain the black, charred hole that had suddenly appeared in their kitchen.

He finally pivoted to glare at his tormentors. It took the Flurry of Dancing Flames only a moment to notice this, too busy feeling off cheese from his hair. When he did, though, his hunger was quickly abandoned in more of a more suitable need…escape.

"Uh…nice weather we're having huh Vexen well I guess I gotta go but I'd love to stay it's just you know I just got a dog and he needs washing-!" he disappeared in the words, safely to the realm of his room.

Well if he couldn't have Axel, there was always-

"Ehhhh…geez, look at the time!" Roxas exclaimed, portalling just as Vexen made a grab for him.

Number IV stomped off, suddenly distraught at the loss of his food. There was only one remedy--cruel and unjust as it was--to this problem…

* * *

He stared at the screen intently, one trip to the store later, eager for the mission ahead. This is what he lived for…

"And welcome back to 30 Minute Meals with Rachael Ray!"

* * *

PART 2--ORGANIZATION IDOL

A long-standing Organization tradition occurred every Tuesday at precisely seven o'clock. Loved by Xemnas because he claimed that it "promoted bonding" and was an "outlet for creativity," it was secretly prized by the Superior because it was a chance to see his lackeys sweat and possess more fodder for future blackmail.

This activity was hated by the rest of the members, who attempted to get out of it in whatever was possible. We're talking setting the castle on fire, popping pills…it was just THAT painful. However, the record stood that all members had participated every time--the only exception being when Roxas had a Sea Salt Ice Cream overdose.

The name of this grueling torture, you wonder? None other than a reality T.V. spin-off (Number I was a closet addict to them) that the leader dubbed Organization Idol, named after American Idol.

The rules never varied. The Superior was "host" (he'd never be caught DEAD--or alive--doing something like this), and the three judges (who also did not perform) were Demyx, Luxford, and Zexion. All the rest of the Organization sang one song a piece, were voted on, and a winner was finally declared among them. They were then free to crawl into a hole or whatever for another week.

On this particular night, the assembly sat where their role required them to, Xemnas bubbly with his fake smiles (and secret cameras) while the others sulked.

"Let's kick this off, shall we?"

"NO!"

"Come, come," he said deviously, "you're not pulling out of this, and I know we'll all have fun."

The deafening silence only made him grin wider. Xemnas took sadism to a whole new level with this.

"Let's start with…oh, you look ready, Axel!" he pointed at the most sour being in the room.

"What if I refuse?" was the sour reply.

The Superior appeared to nonchalantly pick lint off his cloak. "Oh, I'll just have to tell Larxene about that-"

"You wouldn't!" the pyro interrupted.

Larxene snapped to attention. "He WHAT?"

Suddenly this was turning very Jerry Springer-esque. The Savage Nymph was currently strangling the red-head through an intense pull on the front of his jacket. Far from passive, those surrounding them began cheering.

"You did what? Tell me! Tell me!"

"Nothing, I swear-"

"Don't lie to me, you-!"

Xemnas called for quiet a few times, all of them being drowned out by either the woman or the shouts of the masses. Impatient, he finally used the sum of his powers to plunge the room into darkness, the only light being a ghostly stark white emanating from around him.

"Shut up, all of you!"

Cricket chirps could be heard from five miles away.

"Axel, get up and perform. Larxene, let go of him."

The Flurry of Dancing Flames sullenly went to the makeshift stage erected for this occasion. Realizing he had nothing to lose--Larxene was sharpening her knives presently--he burst into a rendition of a song near and dear to his heart. Complete with arm windmills and excessive hip-shaking, he attempted to do justice to "Burning Love" by Elvis. Unfortunately, he was both tone deaf and forgot most of the lyrics to the second verse. There was no applause following his song, nor a happy response from the judges.

"You, um, tried?"

"Dawg, you be trippin'!" Obviously Zexion was trying to catch up on his new vocabulary.

"My ears are still bleeding from LAST week. That certainly didn't help."

Number VIII gave some rather indecent finger signs to the three, then sat down in the chair farthest away from his hostile sort-of girlfriend. Ahhhh…he reveled in the feeling of placing last….again.

Vexen was called next, his distaste and reluctance only remotely visible. He climbed to his post and revealed that his choice of tune was also a reference to his element. With an edgy, angsty delivery, the rendition of "Never Meant to Be So Cold" was received tolerably by all. And less dramatically, on top of that.

Things began to pick up on top of that, the only female in the Organization getting up to do Ludo's "Love Me Dead". Shooting many eye-daggers at the man she loved/loathed, she got bonus points for attitude--especially as she pointed at him when she sang "you're a gluttonous queen, narcissistic and mean…you're awful, I love you!" and, unforgettably, "you're hideous…and sexy!" She really wasn't too shabby as a singer, but it was a pity that her songs were of the drunen-emo genre…

Number II crooned "You Give Love a Bad Name," the upbeat recklessness bringing slivers of smiles to one or two and some joined in with handclapping. Lexaeus paid tribute to Freddie with his song, "We Will Rock You." This time there was definitely a response, almost everyone joining in with some foot-stomping. Both were given good marks by the judges.

Saix abruptly killed the rock mood with his ditty, "Dancing in the Moonlight.' While it is a good, peaceful oldies song, it should never be attempted by a moon-crazed, half-deranged Nobody. 'Nuff said. To further the badness, Marly attempted to resurrect an old Streisand hit next, the title being "You Don't Bring Me Flowers." Those who felt themselves dozing from the dull, slow tune were yanked awake as number XI attempted to hit notes that only Barbara can reach.

But all was not lost as Xaldin took the stage, pumping the small audience with his version of "Jump." In true Lee Roth style, he twirled his lance, acting as a microphone, and attempted many high-air jumps. Any Van Halen fan would have been pleased.

"And now, our last contestant…"

"And winner," Axel muttered.

"Roxas!"

It was true. The guy's voice was clear and pretty near flawless. Maybe in other circumstances (him being alive, for instance) he could have tried his hand at a record deal. More than once Larxene even compared him to some old teen pop heartthrob that had faded into obscurity. The name escaped the pyro at the moment, but he was sure he'd done some voice-overs lately…

The youngest member coughed nervously, got a far-away look in his eye, and started belting out R.E. O. Speed wagon's "Can't Fight This Feeling." Someone passed out lighters and they began to sway. For the first time that evening--maybe ever, in the history of this little game--everything felt good. The mood was right, and all was in perfect harmony.

And suddenly…

They were mobbed by dead Jess McCartney fan girls.

"Oh yeah, that's his name."

"Dang it! Not again!" Roxas cried. This happened a lot more often then you'd think.

That week's Organization Idol ended as they engaged in a 12 vs. 1,000 or so fight for the custody of Number XIII. Heh. And Xemnas called this a "well-deserved break."

* * *

PART 3--SLEEPOVER

Silence hung over the makeshift campfire, all eyes glued to the unusually grave face of the storyteller. He took in their interest, their fear, before leaning forward to reveal the conclusion.

"He climbed to the top of the stairs, opened the creeeeeeeaky door…"

Someone whimpered and shivered deeper into their blanket. More than one listener held their breath.

"And…A GHOST JUMPED OUT! BOO!" Axel shouted into Demyx's frightened face. The Melodious Nocturne gave an "eep!" and dived into Marluxia's arms, much to XI's delight.

Roxas groaned and punched his pillow. "What happened then?"

His pyro friend shrugged and began to roast his seventh marshmallow. "Guess he ate him."

Zexion seemed unphased by the lack of a climax, his body as far from the flickering light as he could be. "What will we do next?"

Number XIII, the mastermind behind this impromptu slumber party, recalled what they'd already done and considered the remaining possibilities. Pillow fight. Cookout. Truth or dare. Ghost stories. All had been fun, but not quite as crazy and exciting as he had hoped for.

Marly dumped number IX out of his hands. "Makeovers! Axel, you'd look so great with read lipstick-"

"No no no," interrupted the youngest, suddenly struck with inspiration. "We raid the kitchen…then sneak into Larxene's room and mess with her stuff!"

Like any human male teenager, the prospect of sugar and an unaware damsel hyped up the Nobodies. They went into the kitchen and loaded themselves with all the stocked candy, probably a 3,000-calorie intake a piece.

Their energy levels were already spiking as they twittered outside the Nymph's room.

I've got the markers! And the camera!" number IX giggled, the latter item stolen back from her about a week before (and appearing in chapter 1 of these chronicles).

The Flurry of Dancing Flames turned the knob quickly but silently, and the five slunk in.

The unsuspecting young woman snored softly in her bed on the far side of the room. Demyx tossed the camera to Zexion and began doodling on her face with magic marker as the others went through her closet, dresser, and shelves.

"I found her panties! Oooh, they're so frilly!" the pink-haired Nobody held a pair up and whispered shrilly.

"Gimme that!" Axel growled, jerking them away and stuffing them in his pocket.

Taking a few more for good measure, they then took to draping toilet paper across the walls and tacking up posters of Barney, Teletubbies, and Axel in some slightly-suggestive poses. When number IX finished tattooing the girl's face, they all began writing messages, such as "Larxy is a loozr", on the walls with the coloring utensils.

They were just getting ready for the good ol' shaving-cream-in-the-hand joke when XII stirred. She suddenly jerked up and screamed.

"Zexy! Take a picture!" screamed the pyro.

He did--of the red-head, who made to grab the Cloaked Schemer but ended up tripping over the bed. The other three dove for the apparatus, managing to collide in a muddled heap.

"Take a bloody picture…of LARXENE!" growled The Graceful Assassin.

Our lovely emo friend had a wonderful reaction time, demonstrating that by taking a pic of the girl in only seconds. She fell back on the bed from the effect of the bright light-experiencing horrible de ja vu--as the guys blundered out. Too tired to pursue, she dozed off a few minutes later.

* * *

The next morning, numbers II and V entered the main meeting room to catch a rare sight: fellow members sleeping companionably around a burnt-out fire in sleeping bags. The Silent Hero kicked the youngest one, who sprang up immediately.

"Lar--didn't do it--ohhhh, it's just you guys," Roxas sighed.

Xigbar and Lexaeus exchanged curious looks. Number XIII nudged the others awake, who all reacted similarly. Just before they could ask what they had possibly done this time, an enraged scream broke the otherwise-still morning.

"AXEL! ROXAS!"

The five perpetrators shared the same look of horror and guilt, then portalled as far as they could in the seconds they were allowed.

Inevitably, Larxene--and the scorching fury of heck--busted into the room. Doubtless it would have been a terrifying display of rage and awe-inspiring fear…

…Had it not been for the cute butterflies, daisies, and hearts colorfully arrayed across her cheeks and forehead, courtesy of Demyx. The combined effect was comical, the two onlookers keeping any thoughts or actions to themselves as she surveyed the room and then stormed out.

"Ah, I remember my first sleepover," chuckled number V, nudging his older friend.

"Oh indeed," agreed the Sharpshooter, "good times. Good times."

* * *

That first part happened to me, I kid you not. I stuck a metal pan full of lasagna--I'm an Italian food addict--into the microwave and it kinda sorta caught on fire. Oops. My mom was not pleased.

School starts back in 9 days for me... :(

Thank you for reading! Remember: reviews and ideas for the next several parts are appreciated!

Soli Deo Gloria


	8. When I Say Shotgun

Wow...hi guys! Long time no post, huh? Well, let's just say school is a killer. But no worries, for here is part 9 of our little series and, yes, it's longer than the other parts. Reviews are REALLY REALLY REALLY appreciated--according to Reader Traffic, interest in this story is rapidly declining...D: So please tell me what you think and please enjoy this next installment!

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Title is from Panic at the Disco's song "It's Time to Dance" and has no significance in this story. Ha.

Extra extra kudos to purity464 and Aki Masamune for giving me the ideas! Keep them coming, guys (my other readers, too!)!

* * *

Organization Nonsense Part 9--When I Say Shotgun

Fireworks. Honestly, the construction of them was like a fourth grade child's science fair project. Merely a combination of some carefully-measured powders inside a cardboard tube. But the Superior was investigating options for an upgrade in the castle's defense system and the Chilly Academic could only oblige--and then some, refining the contents for optimum firepower and a longer range. He'd even gone so far as to add color and enlarge the size of the batch of thirty or so rockets.

And now, after all that, he stood like a dolt, the subjects of his test trial now mysteriously missing in action. The Superior was by no means a patient Nobody, and had much better things to do than tap his foot as Vexen turned his lab upside down for his misplaced fireworks.

"Ah, um, they could be under there…um…but maybe they're…" number IV proceeded to hit his knees and look under a table and some chairs. That revealing nothing, he jumped up and began slinging things from the nearest cabinet. "Or maybe I left them in here…"

Five minutes or so later, Xemnas has reached his limit. "Vexen, where did you leave them?" he asked, much like a frustrated mother.

The scientist poked his head out of the crawlspace of a sink. "I thought I put them on my main lab table."

"You're positive?"

"Well, I thought so, but they're obviously not there now," he said, gesturing in its vague location.

"And no one could have stolen them in the five minutes it took you to fetch me?"

At first this struck the other Nobody as being ridiculously impossible. "Oh no. I don't think anyone else even knew I was making them…" his voice trailed off as he remembered a crucial detail. "No, no, Roxas came in here to borrow a blowtorch and he might have seen them…" his eyes narrowed as realization dawned.

He was about to yell the name of the presumably-guilty party when Xemnas sniffed the air and took on a look of confusion.

"Is something…burning?"

* * *

"Ready…aim…FIRE!" Axel snapped his finger, igniting a flame on his fingertip, and immediately put it on the tail of a rocket. It blast off with a squeal a good hundred feet above them before exploding in a burst of green and silver.

"Ooh…shiny…" a mesmerized Roxas pointed.

Number VIII took a quick count of the remaining fireworks and motioned to his friend. "Wanna do the next one?"

His buddy rummaged in his pocket for a match. "Alright, but this is gonna be the last one. We should probably leave a few for Vexen, you know. I kind of feel bad for taking them…"

Axel shrugged in his usual irresponsible way. "He was going to waste them in an indoor test trial, right?"

Number XIII found what he was looking for and grabbed another rocket-shaped firework. "I think I overheard him saying that."

"Well these are practically test trials, aren't they? Vexen can't be too mad about us doing this part of his job for him."

The blonde hesitated. "I-I guess that's true. We ARE helping…" His hand reached for a mid-sized firework, but his friend stopped him, mid-grasp.

"No, no, get the BIG one."

"…And we could give him our results, I guess. Be all scientific about this," he said doubtfully, needing just one more reason to be fully convinced to send this little baby off.

The redhead leaned in slyly. "Just think of how _shiny _this one's explosion will be-"

That did it. Roxas snatched up the mucho-huge rocket and struck the match. The firework sped off, faster than the others, arced gracefully into the sky…then abruptly took a sharp U-turn and went a good 60 miles per hour over their heads and crashed--no, EXPLODED--into the castle behind them.

In glorious slow motion, a huge fireball rose above the point of entry in the far right tower, the boys' jaws dropping lower as it rose higher and higher into the air. The ground shook and a high scream rose with the smoke.

Roxas could only stare stupidly. Axel managed to mumble, looking the most scared he'd ever been in his not-life:

"Dude…you just took out LARXENE'S ROOM."

* * *

She just been minding her own business. Lazing about on her bed, reading a book, planning her day, when BOOM!--her room had apparently spontaneously combusted. The Savage Nymph now stood outside of what remained of it now, numb, the flames now long put out and the horrifying damage revealed.

Everything she owned was gone, with no warning. Her cloaks, book collection, bed…everything. And why? Was it the castle's poor construction? A freak accident? Karma? She had heard of that happening to people before…dang it, why had she ever wanted to use those cats for target practice?…

"Larxene?"

The Savage Nymph slowly turned to number IX, who had successfully put out most of the fire. He now held some charred item in his hand, offering it to her. "I thought you should see this. I think it's what caught your room on fire."

She took it carefully, examining it from all sides before asking, with her nose wrinkled, "What is it?"

"A rocket. Like fireworks, you know."

"Fireworks?" she repeated stupidly.

"Yeah," he nodded. "You know, like what Axel and Roxas were shooting off before--oops." He clamped his mouth shut and it all hit number XII like a ton of bricks. They were the ones who had done it. Once again, the two had done something else to further ruin her already-miserable life. And this was the last straw. She was going to kill them…at the very least.

"AXEL! ROXAS!"

* * *

An emergency meeting was called in light of the mornings…events, shall we say. As usual, number VIII and XIII were the last ones to portal into the Organization's meeting chamber, but this time came limping in like they had been hit by a bulldozer or something. Their cloaks were slashed and they were covered in livid purple bruises. Offering no explanation, they just winced and sat down.

Larxene just smiled quietly to herself.

The Superior was always straight to the pint. "Larxene's room has been burnt down."

Luxford managed to nudge Axel, who whimpered in pain. "Wild night, eh?" Risking a glance at the woman, he only grimaced in response.

"And while we--that is to say, me and Larxene--know the cause and the perpetrators, they shall not be named--" which was really unnecessary, for everyone else swiveled in unison to face the pyro and youngest member, eyeing them with either amusement or hostility. "--nor punished, due in part to number XII's graciousness."

Roxas and Axel got a good laugh out of that one.

"However," Xemnas continued, "the fact still remains that Larxene needs a room to stay in while we begin construction on a new one. Will anyone volunteer to have her room with them?"

The only response was from Axel, who gave a leering thumbs up and raised his hand. Number I barely acknowledged him, then sighed deeply.

"Why can't I just sleep in the kitchen? Or in here? Or some other room?" the young woman reasoned.

"The other parts of the castle are undergoing renovations as well. Painting and such."

"Painting? Since when did you care about what our castle looked like?"

Xemnas looked truly insulted. "Since Extreme Makeover: Home Edition, season three, of course."

Which only meant, the Savage Nymph concluded, that the Superior would not budge from his line of reasoning. He was dead-set on following through on any decision indirectly related to his precious T.V. shows.

…And also made her wonder why she'd ever joined this group; if the leader was only a hint of the insanity that was the Organization…

"Since none of your fellow members have volunteered, I have no choice to place you with Namine."

"You have got to be kidding me…" she grumbled.

Someone coughed, "Poor Namine." She glared equally at everyone, unsure of its origin.

"If any problems arise, we can make any other accommodations tomorrow," Xemnas stated, not pleased with the amount of drama going on. Honestly--he got it enough from watching America's Next Top Model.

Larxene considered protesting, but then realized Namine was probably her best option anyways. At least she was a girl. The topic was promptly dropped and the meeting switched to a topic or two before the Superior rushed off to see the last bit of the week's episode of The Amazing Race.

* * *

"Um…so…" the Savage Nymph awkwardly addressed the witch as she laid out the sleeping back she had found in some long-abandoned hall closet. "What time do you usually go to bed?"

The girl, seated at a long white table, looked up from her drawing and at the older woman. A long moment of silence passed before she silently went back to her picture, giving no response or even an indication of if she knew what Larxene meant.

"Right then. Ten it is," number XII sighed. What was UP with this chick?

Trying to be somewhat sociable--after all, she was going to be spending a lot of "quality time" with her over the next few days--with the girl, she peered over her shoulder. "Oh, that's a nice picture. Is that a bunny? Or a flower?" She honestly couldn't tell. The girl had the skill of a demented first grader.

Once again, no answer. Larxene huffed and perched on the table's edge. "Look, I'm trying, but I just don't get it. You have to talk sometime, otherwise Roxas-"

It was like the name had sent 10,000 volts through Namine's system. Her eyes grew huge and she began hopping down in her seat. "Roxas? You talk to Roxas? A lot? Does he ever say anything about me? Anything good? Did you see him today? What was he doing? Wa-"

The Savage Nymph clamped a hand over the rambling mouth, slightly disturbed by her apparent fasicnation with the youngest member of the Organization. "Um, yes. To all of your questions."

Satisfied, the girl calmed down and went back to her crayons and paper as Larxene played the fun game of Guess-What-Namine's-Drawing again. Oh…it was a moose…no, no, it was Namine and Roxas. How sweet. In a field of flowers…and look, over there was her and Axel. How thoughtful of the child. And they appeared to be…KISSING?!

The events of the morning still too fresh on her mind, rage swept over the young woman and she snatched up the picture. Ignoring the artist's gasps of surprise and indignation, she shredded it to bits, stomped on said bits, and ate a few for good measure.

She was coming down from her rage when she noticed that Namine had a rather homicidal maniac-ish look on her face.

"Um, Namine, I'm sorry. I just…"

The girl laughed diabolically. "Larxene tear picture. Now she must PAY!"

Oh. Snap.

* * *

"And America has chosen…results that will be revealed after the break!"

"Awwww!"

Xemnas frowned--stupid Ryan Seacrest--and then growled as a body blocked the television set. A threat involving hot wax and rabid beavers was about to leave his mouth when he noticed the state of the intruder.

"Room change. Now." Larxene was a mess of colored pastel, pulled hair, and nail scratches.

"What happened?"

"Namine happened."

A knowing grin lit up the Superior's face. "You must have touched her picture."

"Shut up."

Reluctantly, number I rose and gestured for her to follow--she'd better get settled quickly in a new room; American Idol commercial breaks were, on average, only three minutes long. He led her to a door with a large, pink roman number 11 nailed to it and knocked briskly. It was quickly opened by Marluxia, whose hair was currently in hot pink hair curlers.

"Larxene will be sharing your room."

It was as if Xemnas had said the Spice Girls were getting back together. Marly gasped for joy and crushed the girl to him in a bear hug.

"Roomies! Oh, we're going to have so much fun, darling! Makeovers and chick flicks, and we'll sing karaoke, and make some brownies-"

"Um…Marluxia…" Larxene managed to gasp, despite the intense pressure on her lungs, "why didn't you volunteer to be my roommate before?"

Acting like he hadn't heard her, the man continued ecstatically, "-And you have GOT to listen to this new band I've started listening to. Their lead singer was so yummy! He wore such nice tight leotards, and his mustache-"

The Savage Nymph shot a horrified look to number I as she was dragged away, but he was already retreating down the hall to see whether stupid Sanjaya had finally gotten voted off.

* * *

Needless to say, between dodging the Graceful Assassin's tubes of lipstick and his entirely-too-friendly plants, the girl was out of there in well under ten minutes. Doing herself--and all the worlds--a favor, she dumped all of his makeup down the toilet and flushed, and then hog-tied him with his hot-pink Bratz sheets before departing.

Figuring Xemnas would be of no further use, she set out to find the quietest, calmest, perhaps sanest fellow member that she knew of. The Cloaked Schemer wouldn't let her down like the other two, surely. He just hadn't volunteered because he was such a private person. But he'd understand, surely…

She knew she was doomed when she approached the room blaring Gym Class Heroes. Beginning to attempt to scream and knock on a door over a catchy oldies remake about taking one's clothes off to have a good time, she was finally forced to bust in after receiving no answer. Once inside, she found that Zexion's once-empty-white room had been wallpapered black, had several rotating disco balls, stereo system, and was now occupied by a vast assortment of Emo pals, rappers, and pole dancers.

She was about to leave, certain she had the wrong room, when she heard number VI call her name from the middle of the makeshift dance floor. "Lar-Lar, my girl! How is it up top?" he greeted.

Larxene could only stand there stupidly. "Zexion…?" she managed to ask finally. "Since when were you…like this? What happened to your room?"

"I've arrived, yo," he said, with an assortment of gangster signs. "I'm keepin' it real."

After pausing a moment to confirm her sanity, she turned to flee.

"Hey! Sure you don't wanna stick around? We're going clubbin' later!" he called as she ran far, far away.

* * *

The next decision of her possible new roommate shocked even the Savage Nymph herself. But, she reasoned, the male was reasonably sane, if not slightly annoying, and would only offer her a limited number of problems. And, besides, it was nearing her normal bedtime and arrangements needed to be made, pronto.

"Oh, hey, Larxene," Demyx greeted as he answered his door.

"Demyx, I really can't believe I'm saying this--really REALLY can't believe it--but…can I room with you for a few days? Namine and a few others haven't exactly worked out."

Surprised but eternally full of goodwill, the Melodious Nocturne agreed. "And you can put down your sleeping bag over there, if you want," he pointed to an empty corner. "I'm just going to practice my sitar a little while before bed."

Yeah…she could do this, the girl convinced herself easily. Listen to a little music, get a nice night's sleep, and then beat the fool out of Roxas and Axel again in the morning. Yep. Only a few days of this and then things would be back to normal. A nice new room and she could go on a huge shopping spree and buy some nice new stuff. This could be sort of a…vacation perhaps. A nice temporary change in surroundings. Easy. Very easy. She could do this. She could do this.

* * *

She couldn't do this. The clock said that number IX had been practicing for three hours--three hours!--but it felt like three eternities.

He played the same song over and over and over again. And over and over again. And again. No variation, no mistakes, just like a CD on repeat. Now, you must understand: a sitar sounds like a guitar…but worse. Like a really really really out of tune guitar. On steroids or something. Yeah. And then, his 48th or something time through…he started singing. SINGING.

His voice was weak, and he attempted to hit at least seven outrageously high notes unsuccessfully each round. And, to make it worse, she really couldn't tell what he was singing about anyway. Was it in a different language? She had no idea, really didn't care, and just realized that she was failing to get some shut-eye and was quickly losing her patience.

An hour later, her sitar-strumming buddy still playing strong, Larxene cracked open an eye and attempted to keep the annoyance out of her voice.

"Demyx, do you plan on finishing up anytime soon?"

The Melodious Nocturne seemed to snap out of a trnace, then smiled sheepishly and began putting his instrument (of torture) in its case. "Oh, sorry about that. You should've said something sooner, Larxy."

Smiling in an attempt to grind her teeth together, she waved it off. "Whatever. Good night, Demyx."

He flicked off the light switch. "Good night."

* * *

Creak.

Squeak.

Crunch.

Something was MOVING in the darkness of the room. She could hear it swishing all around her, on one side this minute, another the next. At first she had shrugged it off as the wind, or maybe something outside, but as it had become louder and more noticeable…well, the Savage Nymph wasn't one to be scared easily, but this was downright freaky.

Thump.

Thump.

Swishhhh. Right by her ear. She shrank back from where it had been.

Could the castle be haunted?

Her eyes bulged. Someone--someTHING--was breathing in her ear. In. Out. Deep and heavy. Should she scream? Should she move?

It made the first move, and Larxene's fight-or-flight instinct took over. She blindly sent a thunderbolt at the vague direction of whatever was after her, then ran to the other side of the room to flip on the lights.

And to reveal a slightly-singed Demyx.

"What the HECK do you think you were doing?" she snapped. "Trying to give me a heart attack?"

The Melodious Nocturne tried to smooth down his frizzy mullet. "But Larxy, you don't understand! I have this fear of the dark! Really!" he added, seeing the disbelief on her face.

"Demyx…we live in The World That Never Was. It's dark here. All. The. Time."

"I know, but it's just really really scary when I go to sleep! So I just figured, I don't know, you wouldn't mind if I snuggled up with you."

Snuggle?

What kind of man said snuggle?

Because of this and of just how disgustingly-wrong said "snuggling" would be, the girl unceremoniously dumped number IX out of her sleeping bag, grabbed it and her other stuff, soundly kicked his sitar case, and stomped out of the door.

* * *

OK…the pickin's were getting pretty slim. Numbers XI, VI, and IV had been a bust, like Namine. She doubted the higher-up one through five would take her in (well, honestly, she didn't think she could handle them either. C'mon, Xaldin? XIGBAR??), and would not, under any circumstances, go so low as to ask Axel to share his room with her. She'd rather climb Mount Everest backwards in a kilt, stick 40,000 q-tips up her anus, and (dare I say it?) listen to a Hannah Montana CD all the way through.

Or sleep outside, whatever works.

So…she'd try her luck with Saix now.

She could hear the howling halfway down the hallway. Mistake numero uno. The door was unlocked, so she decided to go in. Wrong choice number two.

An entire wall of the Luna Divin'ers room had been made into an entire window, conveniently arranged so it showed the world's freakishly-large heart-shaped moon-thing every night. And what Saix was currently baying to for no particular reason.

After a few awkward moments, the Savage Nymph coughed politely. Saix turned, his eyes huge and silver, as he stared her down.

"Um…can I-"

"Moon! Moon! See the moon! See! Mwahahahaha!" he grabbed her and pressed her nose against the glass, "Shiny moon, yes! Shiny shiny shine down! Mwahahaha!" he let go of her to cackle maniacally, and she rubbed her sore nostrils.

"Yeah, moon. Right. So I'll just put my-"

"No, no! Dance moon dance! Sing moon songs!" he giggled, then held up an old Sailor Moon anime tape. "Watch moon movie!"

"Er…I'm not exactly into astronomy."

Saix twitched violently at this. "Not like moon? Not like moon? MOON!"

The Golem-esque man turned an eerie shade and shouted, "MOON SHINE DOWN."

Hack. He was going into his rage. Just another mishap to add to the night's list. In the short space of seconds she had before he came after her, Larxene dropped everything and portalled…but to where? She asked herself as she flew through time and space.

Roxas' room? Well, he had been part of the cause of her current situation…but it was still worth a shot. She found the door as an unearthly howl reached her ears, uncomfortably close.

Right as she stepped across the threshold, exhaustion hit the girl like a wave. It was way past midnight, she had been going all day, and…dang it she was just tired.

She heard a quiet snore from the left side of the bed and looked longingly at it's right. Her sleeping bag was in Saix's room and it was just Roxas after all…And it looked so soft…she reasoned as she pulled back the covers. Her head touched the pillow and she was out like a light.

* * *

She woke up as morning light (or whatever its equivalent was) poured into the room. Suppressing a yawn, she began to rise so she could safely tiptoe out of the room and no one would have to know. She turned to make sure the boy was still asleep…

And found herself gazing into emerald-green eyes.

Wait.

Green?

But Roxas' were…

"Hey, Larxy."

"What are you doing in Roxas' room?" she hissed, beginning to draw away.

Axel cocked an eyebrow. "This isn't his room. And you'll need a better excuse than that as to why you shared my bed last night."

Once glance told her she spoke the truth. The room had an obvious black-and-red color scheme, burn marks on the walls, and empty bottles of hair gel thrown about.

"Um…" she fought back a blush, but her embarrassment quickly turned into hostility. "Well, I wouldn't have come into the wrong room if someone hadn't set mine on fire!"

The pyro held up his hands. "It was an accident, Larxy. You know I'm sorry."

She frowned and was silent, slightly surprised that he had apologized so easily. Taking this as a sign of agreement, number VIII stretched and got out of bed to begin his morning routine.

"Thanks," she muttered.

Axel's head snapped back to her face in pantomimed shock. "Gratitude? From you? My ears deceive me."

The young woman glared and set out to stomp to the door.

"Larxene."

She whirled around to face the pyro, fully prepared to give him a sound tongue-lashing, who had portalled in the few seconds so he was now only inches away from her. Their close proximity unnerved her, for some strange reason she could not pinpoint. He seemed not to notice, however, true concern showing in his eyes.

"You know, if you can't find any other place to stay…there's always here."

"I'll…think about it." she said quietly.

"Really?" he asked with no trace of amusement or malice, behaving even more unlike himself.

The Savage Nymph surprised herself by nodding slowly, seriously, and found she really meant it. "Yeah, I'll really think about it."

A long moment passed, they just staring like that. The woman could swear she could hear some hidden orchestra music swelling, like in one of those sappy romance movies, and wait, was the light getting dimmer-?

She looked up to the pyro. "Axel, I'm-"

Whatever she was about to say was cut short as her name was cried across the castle--more like howled, really. Her eyes grew wide as the past night's events came rushing back full-force.

"-so dead."

* * *

So...was it worth the wait? Please be patient, people--part 10 will come soon, I promise! Blame my teachers! And review, review, review! I need them desperately. Anything will do, even it it's just "Good story," or "ohmygoshthiswascrap." Ideas are also very welcome too. Thanks!

Soli Deo Gloria


	9. 8 point 5 I Feel a Nosebleed

OK, well I know y'all have been waiting quite a while...but this isn't technically O.N. part 10--hence the chapter title 9.5 It's somewhat AU, and quite unlike the rest of the chapters in written style. And shorter. But it's to keep y'all satisfied until the real chapter 10 comes out. So...enjoy.

* * *

It was a Saturday night, and that fact alone made Roxas suspicious when he could find Axel nowhere. Not in his bedroom, the kitchen, or--heaven forbid--the bathroom. None of the other Organization members he'd questioned had seen him--which was all but Larxene.

…Come to think of it, he couldn't find her, either. Were her and Axel on a spur-of-the-moment mission together? Or, even more likely, were they having a life-or-death duel on top of one of the world's many skyscrapers for the last green popsicle in the fridge?

He was contemplating going to the Savage Nymph's room to double check his theory as he rounded the corner and came to a screeching halt outside the door of the Organization's rec room (for lack of a better title). He could hear the lone woman of the group yelling from inside, but what about, he couldn't be sure. Could she be yelling at Axel? Or had she finally snapped and begun yelling at those strange little voices inside her mind?

"Dang it, Axel!"

A-ha. So she wasn't schizophrenic, after all (what a pity…). And it appeared his little mystery had been solved. The youngest of the XIII was prepared to open the door when--

"No, you're not supposed to put it there!"

He promptly froze and wrinkled his eyebrows. What?

"Well, where else is it supposed to go?" Axel asked. Somewhat sarcastically, Roxas thought.

"Down here!"

Pressing his ear to the door--now overwhelmed with curiosity--he could hear the two moving around. What could they possibly be doing?

"Ouch!" Larxene yelped.

"Oops."

"This isn't supposed to hurt!" the woman snapped.

Alright, let's be honest: Roxas is a normal teenager. OK, well, more like a normal-teenager Nobody. So, like any good teenage male, his mind can be found in the gutter pretty regularly. He wouldn't be half as bad if he wasn't friends with the pyro, but alas…(and we wouldn't have much of a story then, anyways, would we?)

Anyway, from the sound of things…it appeared that Larxene and Axel were trying to have a little fun tonight. Or were bored. Or something.

"Not the way I play, babe," was the smart remark.

There was a second of silence, in which Roxas thought about possibly cracking the door open an inch to look…just in case anything went wrong or something, you know. Just to be on the safe side. He didn't particularly want to see the two of them…well, go at it.

"Alright, what if we do this…" number VIII started.

"It's not going to work," the Savage Nymph cut him off. "I'll go under you, and it'll work better."

"Whatever you say."

There was more motion from inside, along with some grunting. Interesting.

"That's better," Axel said, with a sigh of relief.

"And now if I do this…" Larxene said.

"No, wrong way."

"Um…we're going to have to move again."

About this time, Demyx came around the hall and paused to see what his younger buddy was listening to. He was about to yell to his friend, but was quickly silenced with some well-placed (not-suggestive) hand gestures. He joined the boy and they listened to the two inside moving around and their sounds.

"How long are we going to do this, Larxy?" Axel asked finally.

"Shut up. You know you're having fun," came the snap.

Just like Roxas, it didn't take long for Demyx to realize how risqué this whole situation was. His jaw dropped and he joined number XIII in placing his ear to the door.

"OK, I'm going to do this now…" Larxene said slowly, and there was some more moving.

"You know, you're doing much better than last time."

"I've had practice."

Demyx and Roxas felt the beginnings of nosebleeds coming on.

And so on, and so on…for about twenty more minutes. Then they were joined by Marluxia, Zexion, and Luxord, who were also getting a kick/sickened by the probable goings-on in the next room over.

"I am NEVER going into that room again," was all that the Graceful Assassin would say.

"Shhhhh!"

"And besides," whispered the Gambler of Fate, "you just say that because you're queer."

Number XI slapped him and cried many unmanly tears as he portalled away.

Somehow, in the space of an hour, Larxene and Axel continued…whatever they were doing…and the eavesdroppers were joined by everyone but the Superior. Yes, it was getting pretty crowded in the doorway's frame, but they couldn't afford to miss whatever was going to happen next. Maybe, if they were lucky, they could get a hold of the security cameras so conveniently installed in there and watch them tomorrow…

"How long does this take them?" came Vexen's impatient whisper.

"It takes you a long time when you're doing it more than once," was the Cloaked Schemer's matter-of-fact reply.

As if on cue, Larxene screamed out.

"Axel!"

"Sorry! I didn't mean to do that!"

"Next time be more careful! You can't be so sudden with this!"

Xigbar passed out the tissues so they could dab at their bleeding noses. The graphic pictures just would not stop flooding their brains.

The jig was up when the girl apparently had enough. "I can't take this any longer! You're just going to have to do this by yourselves, or…get Roxas to help you!"

Nine pairs of eyes swiveled to look at number XIII…

… who blushed profusely. "I don't swing that way! Me and Axel aren't-"

"Oh come on, Larxy, you're the only other person here that's good enough!"

"Alright, alright…we'll just have to try again tomorrow night or something, I guess," the Savage Nymph sighed.

"'Atta girl. That's why I like you. You get it right."

Demyx promptly passed out. He could only take so much suggestive themes in such a short amount of time. While everyone watched his freefall to the floor, they were also surprised to see the door wrenched open. Several of them, propped against it, fell flat on their faces across the threshold and looked up into the surprised and instantly-suspicious eyes of number XII.

"What are you guys doing?"

It suddenly hit Roxas. Axel couldn't do this! What if he went too far and Larxene ended up pregnant? Or, even worse, they fell in LOVE?

"NOOOOOO!"

He couldn't see Axel as some fat bald guy, guzzling beer in front of a television and watching the afternoon's football game as he rocked a crying baby. Or being dragged around a mall for some kind of clearance sale. Or…dare he even think it…shopping for Hannah Montana CDs for the youngest one's birthday present.

"What's up with Roxas?" his best buddy's voice snapped him out of his nightmare. He jumped over the fallen bodies, pushed past Larxene--curse her, that…that…WOMAN! Or not-woman…whatever…

…And found Axel with his left hand on red, right foot on green, and right hand yellow.

"So…you wanna play Twister with me now? Larxene quit, 'cuz she's no fun."

"You cheat!" came the indignant reply.

"You were playing Twister? The whole time?"

The pyro looked confused as he stood up. "Um…what else would we be doing?"

* * *

Suggestive, no? Please comment and keep checking back for the next part!

Soli Deo Gloria


	10. The Art of Facepalms

What?! Is this some kind of joke? Organization Nonsense is FINALLY being updated? What is the DEAL?!

No, your eyes do not deceive you. After 2 1/2 months of a sortakindaunofficial hiatus, I finally sat down and wrote this baby.

Why, exactly? *sigh* I bought a Gameshark before I found out those things were useless and somehow managed to delete ALL my PS2 memory card data in the process. Needless to say, we returned that before the 7 day gurantee.

And I was on the 11th floor of Castle Oblivion on Re:CoM...

ANYWAYS...So that means I have a LOT of time on my hands, because I'm not going back in and wasting 200 more hours on a game...yet. And I then realized I had kind of left you guys hanging on this here story, and since I hate it when other authors do it to me, I realized it wasn't very fair for me to do the same...

But anyways...here ya go, my people. And this sucker is LONG. 15 pages on my word processor, 4,500 words or something...so good luck. And I've already got a 10.5 and 11 lining up nicely. So happy reading.

Disclaimer: I own nothing...not even a saved file of Kingdom Hearts...*sob*

* * *

"Give it to me."

Axel, otherwise occupied at the moment with his daily practice, turned to see a somewhat-peeved Cloaked Schemer. Said Emo had his hand outstretched and a glare on his unsmiling face to suggest that, whatever IT was, IT better be handed over smartly or there would be hell to pay.

Of course, this meant little to the pyro, who enjoyed playing with fire--in more ways than one. He offered a quirk of a smile as he banished his chakrams and gave the other his full attention.

"My, my," he drawled, "I never knew you were so…forceful…in voicing your desires, Zexion."

The younger of the two dropped his arm but did nothing else to reveal that he was slightly puzzled at this reply.

"I mean, really…" Axel trailed off as he took up a casual pose. "I didn't even realize you swung that way. Can't say I do either, though you might have heard otherwise…"

Zexion's eyes slowly dawned with understanding. Like the suggestive pervert VIII was, when he said 'give IT to me', he actually thought he meant 'let's get IT on.'

"I-!" he could barely utter a syllable, feeling himself being consumed by adamant rage and a bit of embarrassment. The pyro merely waved him off with a hand, seemingly oblivious to his companion's fuming.

"No, don't feel bad, really. Maybe you can find…fulfillment…in someone else. Demyx, maybe?"

"You blundering idiot!" snapped the other, his voice echoing across the room menacingly and stunning the redhead into a shocked silence. "I am not seeking a bedmate! I am perfectly--happily!--straight! And furthermore," he said, his voice decreasing in decibels but not in malice as he forcefully jabbed his finger into Axel's chest, "I wouldn't DO IT with you even if your THING was impressively enormous, were the last person in the world, and I was as GAY as a DAFFODIL!"

The Emo would have portalled there and then, if not even before, had the present matter plaguing him not been of utmost importance.

"Not quite fooling with me, pyro. I need my book."

"Book? Let's see…book book bookety book…" Axel tapped his chin with an index finger and proceeded to look thoughtful. At length he shrugged nonchalantly. "Haven't seen it."

"Stop playing and hand. It. Over. I am NOT in a good mood."

Number VIII blinked. "Like I said, I haven't seen it nor have I stolen it. What even makes you think I took it?"

"A reliable source informed me."

"Right."

They stood at a cold impasse for a good minute before Zexion roughly reached inside the pocket of his cloak and held up a paper. "I predicted this would happen, so I took the liberty of making _this_," he said, smacking the paper. "It's a signed order, straight from the Superior."

Axel snatched it out of his hand and scanned it as number VI continued, "If my book is not returned to me--by the end of the day--there will be serious consequences. Even more painful than Gay Week at Disneyworld."

"Oh yeah? Like what?"

The Cloaked Schemer pretended to shrug innocently. "Oh, I don't know…something along the lines of a more PERMANENT vacation." He portalled away then, leaving his last words to reverberate against the white walls.

Well this was just peachy.

Axel had not been lying, in fact, when he had said he hadn't taken the book. He'd spent the last few days well away from Zexion and any sort of literature, choosing to amuse himself in OTHER ways (such as "sledding" down the castle stairs on baking pans and having an impromptu pool party in Demyx's room--oh, they'd be cleaning up for weeks…).

He was being _framed_. He was going to, quite possibly, be kicked out of Organization XIII for something he hadn't done. And something lame, at that! If he was going to be expelled, he might as well go all out and blow something up, or put in a hidden sound system that continuously played the Barbie song, but no…a silly _book_.

It was utterly sickening.

And the Emo wasn't much of a help, either. He hadn't even told him the book's title--without that, any search to redeem himself was hopeless. And who exactly was this "reliable source"? Was it a bluff, or had someone actually put Zexion on Axel's tail, seeing it as the perfect opportunity to be rid of the trouble-making pyro once and for all?

The Flurry of Dancing Flames felt a headache coming on.

*** *** ***

"Now let's see…you haven't seen Zexion in days, and you have no books in your current possession. I think this cold qualify as a rock-solid alibi, given that you have a witness."

Number XIII, having abandoned his regular garb for a trench coat and a Sherlock-esque hat, lounged behind a desk as he considered his best friend's options.

"You would count as a witness, right?" the pyro asked uneasily. He'd gone to Roxas partly out of desperation and was just slightly turned off at his buddies' whole-hearted eagerness to masquerade as a detective. It just seemed like another game to him, not his friend's place in the Organization on the line.

"Perhaps. But only as a last resort," he placed a plastic pipe in his mouth and put both feet up on the furniture. "First we--no, _I--_ask a few acquaintances that are trustworthy to recap their activities this past week. Maybe then we can piece together Zexion's goings-on and your lack of involvement in them."

Axel opened his mouth to comment, but the younger boy suddenly leapt up and began to pace the length of the room.

"Next I'll interrogate suspects, do some eavesdropping, have an all-out search on the accuser's room. Fingerprints shall be identified, security cameras retrieved, codes cracked…justice will prevail and the innocent saved!" he ended, banging his fist on the desk.

VIII shook his head at the misguided child, who didn't seem to notice as he stalked out the door, magnifying glass in hand.

Well this had been a bust. The day was nearly half over and he was still very much empty-handed. Taking some of Sherlock Junior's advice, he left to go ask a certain Savage Nymph some questions.

*** *** ***

"So it was YOU!"

"I--no, really-!"

"A-ha! No alibi forthcoming now, is there?"

"B-but Roxas!"

"Admit it."

"…Yes! It was me!"

The blonde boy stuck his plastic pipe in his mouth and took up a pose to best display his superior powers of deduction. The assumed-perpetrator, aghast, could only look on in awe as he explained:

"My fine fellow, your trail was poorly concealed. I followed the trail of crumbs to deduce that it was you, indeed, who took the _last cookie from the jar_…Now, no blubbering," he scolded, passing on a handkerchief.

The Melodious Nocturne was truly amazed. "How ever did you do it?"

"Elementary, my friend."

Demyx blew his nose and passed back the hanky. "Teach me, please! That was truly amazing!"

"Well…"

"If I could only be half as brilliant as you, I would not be in such a sorry state!"

"It is pretty sorry," Roxas conceded. "I suppose…but a decent amount of intelligence and dedication is required if you want to follow in my footsteps."

"Yes, of course!"

"Right then, you shall be my Watson in the case afoot. I will catch you up…and we'll have to get you some new duds to really get a feel for this."

*** *** ***

The library door creaked in ill omen as The Flurry of Dancing Flames opened it wide enough to slip in the room. The books seemed to frown down on him--coming back to the scene of the crime now, are we?--as he made his way down the main isle.

For a moment he was afraid he had guessed wrong, but no--there she was. Book in hand, eyes scanning the words of her well-loved classic. The person that could very well help him in his present mess.

Larxene looked up when he cleared his throat. "My, my, what a surprise," she taunted, closing the book and stretching.

He closed his eyes and inhaled. "Larxy, I need help. Someone's got it out for m."

She snickered and approached. "So what's new? Just be glad it's not me."

The pyro opened his eyes and pulled out Zexion's letter. "This time it's kind of different."

He allowed her to read it, the playfulness dimming from her face as she returned the note and listened to the beginning of an explanation.

"And you didn't do it, I'm guessing," she concluded.

"Of course not." The young woman raised an eyebrow and he growled in annoyance. "Why would I steal a _book_? Even I don't sink so low."

"True. But from the looks of this it seems that the Superior's tolerance level has reached an all-time bottom and he's just going to see it as stealing is stealing is stealing."

"Yes…" the pyro grumbled.

"And you're a likely suspect with no excuses whereas the Cloaked Schemer has a sketchy reason," she pointed out.

"Exactly. I need someone to help me even the odds."

"Which is where I come into the picture, right?"

"Please, Larx," the redhead implored, dramatically getting down on his knees. "You're the only one I can trust with this. Probably the only one who can save my sorry butt."

She cocked an eyebrow. "A very sorry butt. But…sure I'll try," she shrugged.

Axel practically threw himself at her. "Thanks, Larxy! I knew you were a pal!"

"But you owe me big."

"…Crap."

*** *** ***

Getting milk out of the fridge should be relatively harmless.

Granted, the fridge could be radioactive, or on the way to it you trip and fall and bust your head open, or the milk could explode spontaneously…

But hypothetically, it should be easy, correct?

Little did Lexaeus know…

He realized there was trouble a-brewin' when his Queen alarm clock didn't go off. And his Freddie poster falling off the wall during the night wasn't a good sign, either…

But neither of these ill omens prepared him for…

"A-HA!"

A seemingly-deranged number XIII, clothed in some outlandish outfit, dove out of the refrigerator and tackled the Silent Hero's legs. Since this was basically ineffective given the older man's hulking mass, he had time to see The Melodious Nocturne, also clothed in bizarre apparel, using a portable heater to keep himself toasty as he remained curled up in the appliance.

V frowned as the youngest continued to assault his ankles and cry out useless phrases such as, "surrender villain, or prepare to meet they doom!" When he appeared to have tired a bit, the older man calmly reached down, firmly grasped the boy in one hand, and catapulted him over his shoulder. He heard the satisfying sound of him connect with the metal garbage can. Score. He repeated with Demyx to get the same results.

The two watched from their self-made seats in the oversized trash bin as Lexaeus retreated back to his room with his milk and cereal, humming "Another One Bites the Dust" under his breath.

"We'll just take that as a dead end," said the Sherlock wannabe, pulling a banana peel out of his hair.

*** *** ***

"So what's that you're reading?"

The Cloaked Schemer looked up to see Larxene studying him intently. He kept his place with his thumb and showed her the book's cover.

"Interesting," she commented.

"Very."

"Hmmm…if I didn't know better, I'd say you were in a very good mood today, Zexion."

He half-shrugged. "Kind of. Let's just say that life around here…might start getting a lot…quieter."

"How so?"

"I finally have something to get Axel out of our hairs."

The Savage Nymph appeared to be surprised. "Wow. Really?"

"He stole my book and I've got witnesses."

"You mean…that book?" she asked, pointed at the one in his hand. He growled.

"No…the book he stole was much, much better."

"What was it called? Maybe you just misplaced it."

"I very seriously doubt that."

"So…who saw him take it?"

The boy only smiled evasively. All in good time, Larxene."

It took sheer willpower to not scowl and/or grab him up by the collar and shake him into submission. She simply laughed humorlessly and looked away. "You sure are eager to see him off."

"And you're not? I thought he gave you the hardest time of all. You should be happy."

"Well…" she began, carefully delivering her accusation, "if I didn't know any better, I'd say you were framing him or something."

"Me?" he asked, going back to his novel now. "Heh. I guess you just never know."

*** *** ***

"It was him."

"I dunno, Larxy."

Both the pyro and the nymph leaned against the door to Axel's room, a suitcase and belongings waiting to be packed on his bed. Larxene sighed deeply.

"It has to be. Didn't you hear him?"

"We don't have any way to prove it."

"Our word against his. Well, him and his 'reliable source'." she said with contempt, using air quotes.

Number VIII grinned, clearly amused at her determination. "Since when did you care? Like Zexion said, you should be happy."

XII seemed deeply offended, taking two steps forward and pointing her finger accusingly. "Since when did I CARE? I've always cared."

Axel leaned in closer, a foreign look in his emerald eyes. "Say that again," he murmured.

She gulped quietly, now aware of the implications of her words. Implications…that she might, quite possibly, wholeheartedly feel. Sort of. As much as a Nobody could.

"I…Axel, I-" she felt her mouth going dry as he continued to move in…

"A-ha!" Roxas and Demyx sprung out of the suitcase. XIII ran to the girl and pushed a tape recorder in her face. "Admit it! It was YOU!"

"What are you talking about?"

"Where were you two Thursdays ago at 7:18?"

"What does that-"

"Dodging the question, eh? We have ways of dealing with your type!"

Axel face palmed appropriately.

"Larxene, you are hereby charged with using up all the hot water this morning. We have THIS as evidence!" he pressed play on the tape recorder and immediately the newest Jesse McCartney single began streaming.

"So _that's _where that tape went…" he mused, pressing pause and sticking it hastily back into his pocket. "But mark my words, Larxy, justice WILL be served!" he cried, portalling off to be stupid somewhere else and Demyx following sheepishly.

Now that the "moment" had been ended abruptly by the sudden busting in of the other two, they chose the next of their quickly-dwindling options: asking around for any useable information on the accuser.

*** *** ***

Identical looks of determination crossed Roxas' and Demyx's face as they embarked on the task of searching Zexion's room. And what a job--clothes thrown everywhere, lots of closets and drawers, and some really cool stuff that they just had to play with 'cuz they were just really, REALLY shiny.

"Any luck over there?" the youngest called, partially hidden under the bed. IX looked the tiniest bit confused.

"I dunno, Roxas…Is-"

"No time for idle chit chat! Keep going!"

They were waist-deep in dirty laundry when it struck Demyx again. Something was a tad bit fishy.

"Rox, have-"

"Shhh! Looky what I found!" the blonde interrupted, holding up an action figure. "It waves its arms!"

"It's just…didn't you think Zexion's room would be a bit more…Emo-ish?" XIII didn't bother to look up, utterly enthralled in his find.

The Melodious Nocturne sighed, then took a good second look at the room. Let's see…a lot of silver stuff, crescent-shaped chairs, glow-in-the-dark stars on the ceiling…This really didn't fit the Cloaked Schemer's bill. Trance CDs and astronomy books lined the room's shelves, and some kind of anime posters line the walls.

"Fly, Sailor Moon! Fly!" said Roxas in a squeaky-high voice, lifting the toy into the air and "flying it" around his small space.

Uh oh.

"Did you just say…moon?"

"Yup. Wh-"

A look of sheer terror crossed his face. No, this was definitely NOT VI's room. It was-

"WHAT THE HACK ARE YOU TWO DOING?!"

Moments away from going into a deadly spazz-attack, Saix grabbed the action figure out of the youngest boy's hand and stroked her strange hair. Demyx was going into flight-or-beg-for-your-life mode and Roxas was at a loss for words as he sized them up and down.

"You two have invaded my privacy. Touched my belongings. Desecrated my beloved collection…" he closed his eyes in pain.

"It's not our fault, Saix! We were trying to get to Zexion's room and came here by honest mistake!"

"We just went one door too far!"

"We're really, really sorry, promise!"

"It won't happen again!"

As the two continued their rambling apologies, the Luna Diviner succeeded to calm down enough to stop glowing. He finally cracked open an eyed and stopped one of the guilty parties short.

"Shut up. And get. Out."

They nodded ecstatically and bowed in gratitude as they backed up to the door.

"Thanks for not going moon-psycho on us!"

"And nice room!"

"Great assortment of Sailor Moon stuff!"

"Hey is it just me or does Zexion sound like-"

"GET. OUT!"

*** *** ***

An hour or so later, two defeated inquisitors slumped in one of the castle's many empty rooms. Despite asking all of the other members of the Organization about what they knew of Zexion or a book, Axel and Larxene had nowhere else to go, no new info, and all trails had officially gone cold.

And no time, on top of that. There was less than an hour left before VIII would be called upon to produce the book or be determined guilty.

"I'm sorry, Axel," XII murmured, touching his shoulder. He shrugged. "If only there was someone else we could ask…"

Defeated silence loomed for a moment, but was finally broken by a sharp intake of breath from the pyro and him standing up.

"There is someone else!" he exclaimed, grabbing her hand. "Namine!"

"The witch? She couldn't know anything."

"It's worth a shot!" he cried as they portalled together.

But on the other side they were not alone…

"A-HA!"

The two groaned as they stepped into Namine's room to find Roxas and Demyx already there, the former apparently hot on the heels of new evidence. XIII paced back and forth in front of the girl, deliberating about some topic none of the present company cared anything about.

Axel thought his younger buddy was a great Nobody. Really. It was just that there was no frickin' way he was getting expelled because Roxas had suddenly decided to play Clue Jr. at a bad time. So he pushed the boy out of his way and, politely as possible, asked Namine for a testimony.

"Sure, I know who did it," she said quietly, as always, after VIII's summary.

"You're serious?"

"Of course. But," she smiled with an inkling of mischief, "I think I'D better draw who did it and reveal it to everyone."

This news was just _too _good. Apparently Larxene suspected trickery, for she pointed at the young witch menacingly. "If you're lying you'll regret it. I promise that."

But the other girl waved her hand, displaying more bravery than anyone had ever seen from her as she replied, "Trust me. You'll know without a doubt who it was once you hear the title."

But no more could be elaborated as they were all automatically summoned to the Superior's room.

*** *** ***

Xemnas, as always, was displeased that such petty disagreements occurred in the Organization (really, it was like they were children…). But he knew he had to put his foot down _sometime _and not time like the present, eh?

So here he was, presiding over a very-makeshift trial consisting of Axel, Zexion, and (for some reason or other) Roxas, the latter smugly "smoking" a bubble pipe. Everyone else either looked mildly interested or utterly bored.

"Right. Let's get on with this," he waved. The Cloaked Schemer, not needing any more of an invitation, started.

"Some time between last night and this morning, number VIII took my book without my consent. Not only is this stealing, he denies the theft, thus making him a-"

"Objection!" Roxas cried.

"Oh, come on!" growled the accuser. "You can't be both his private investigator AND his lawyer."

"On the contrary, I can be both of those AND his French maid on Tuesdays."

Xemnas face palmed politely and had the good sense to be embarrassed. "Please spare us the details."

But XIII interrupted once more, "Never mind. I just represent myself now."

"And why would you want to do that?"

Zexion protested, "What does this have to do with ANYthing?"

A minute passed as everyone pondered this and no conclusions could be reached.

The Superior finally had enough. "Now Axel, how do you plead?"

"Not gu-"

"My client pleads not guilty."

"Roxas!"

Xemnas sighed. "Have you decided to represent him again?"

The blond shrugged. "The pay's good."

"Is Axel aware that, should he be found guilty, he could face expulsion from Organization XIII?"

"Yes, your honor."

"Does he have any evidence to prove otherwise?"

"Yes, your honor."

"Are you going to make a fool of him as you present said evidence?" Those that were still awake chimed in with "probable's". Xemnas waved the boy off. "Don't answer that. Just being."

Roxas strode up to the middle of the room, took out his pipe, and began to pace.

"My client approached me at approximately one-seventeen PM today and informed me of the charges. I immediately set off, looking for my first suspect. This happened to be Demyx, who I also determined was eating the last cookie from the jar. The cookie was circular, about so big, and made of-"

"Get on with it."

"Right. Demyx and I eventually began to question everyone about this case, and we quickly determined that only a handful of people could have stolen the book."

"So you-"

"Don't rush me, man. We narrowed it down to thirteen people right away."

"How resourceful."

"Quite. We then deduced that it could not be number I…or XI, because apparently Marluxia can't read…mainly his hair dye bottle."

"It's natural!" came the cry from the peanut gallery.

"Ignoring that interruption, if I may…most of us had credible alibis to prove that we had not seen VI in the time period the crime was committed--thus narrowing it down to about, ah, four people. We then searched some rooms and eavesdropped unsuccessfully before approaching our last person.

"Namine, though well away from the rest of us, testifies that whoever stole the book approached her and showed her the stolen item in detail. She has also agreed to draw us a picture of the perpetrator."

"And no one else has seen this?" Xemnas asked as the girl handed Roxas a piece of sketching paper.

"No one. And by opening this, we confirm that the thief is-" he paused.

"Get on with it, sir," the Superior said as the silence stretched on.

"Might we go to a commercial break?"

"Just open the paper."

The boy unfolded the sketch to reveal a very accurate rendering of--

"Roxas?!"

(Quick poll of the audience: Who saw THAT coming?)

Number I addressed Zexion, "And what was the title of this book?"

"The Ultimate Jesse McCartney biography."

The audience face palmed nicely.

"What could have made you possibly think AXEL did it?"

"At the moment, I have no idea."

But the pyro and Larxene were too busy celebrating to hear. The whole room was in an uproar--celebrating, Lexaeus singing "We Are the Champions," and Roxas demanding a retrial for his new client--himself.

Xemnas finally called for order. "Axel, the court finds you not guilty. Roxas…you do realize you unwittingly lead a case against yourself?"

The boy shrugged. "It was the perfect crime."

"…Right. Your lesser punishment will be decided shortly. Court adjourned."

*** *** ***

The next day things were relatively back to normal (as best can be defined by Organization XIII). The now Scott-free Axel was back to practicing when Zexion appeared again.

"So…I just wanted to say I was sorry," the Emo said lamely. Axel gave him his best poker face. "And…I'm sorry I just automatically assumed it was you and lied about the "reliable source." It was just me."

"I see," the pyro said slowly.

"Oh, c'mon, Axel! It won't happen again."

VIII sighed and shook Zexion's outstretched hand. "Maybe I did deserve it…just a bit. I can be pretty annoying when I want to."

"I should say," Larxene agreed, suddenly appearing and punching his shoulder with something resembling…affection?

"So what happened to Roxas?"

"Eh…" The Cloaked Schemer said with some amusement, "he's still here…but you really don't wanna know."

After VI portalled, Axel shook his head. "My poor, slightly mentally-unstable buddy. But I guess his debt to society must be paid."

"Mmm-hmmm," the Savage Nymph agreed. "And speaking of paying debts, you owe me too."

Seeing his face of terror, she giggled and traced one of the triangles on his face. "Trust me. This debt will be much more…pleasurable…to pay."

The pyro wiggled his eyebrows suggestively. "Then let's get to paying."

*** *** ***

Meanwhile on one of the upper halls, in number VII's room, the Luna Diviner was adding a new piece to his collection…

"Pretty Soldier Sailor Moon life-size dress up doll!" he exclaimed in joy, braiding hair into the trademark "meatballs." "And stop moving! You'll wrinkle your mini-skirt!"

"Yeah, yeah," grumbled Roxas.

"And just think…we have alllll week to do this! You'll be the prettiest Sailor Scout when I'm done!"

Roxas face palmed miserably.

"And stop doing that! You'll smudge your lip gloss!"

* * *

Good? Bad? Comments are appreciated, as always, along with any ideas. Hope ya liked! :D

...And no, you won't have to wait 2 1/2 months for the next one...I think? If you nag me, I'd appreciate it!

Soli Deo Gloria, now and forever.


End file.
